Remember Me
by enigmasky
Summary: How easily can you deal with the death of a loved one? What if your relationship was fragmented and misunderstood. Reality is sometimes harder than the imagination. Will Asuka fall victim to the pain or will she climb out of the void that is her mind?
1. Fragments of the past

Remember Me

Chapter One

**Author's note: Apparently the entirety of the first chapter did not upload correctly thusly cutting out a large portion out from the final version of the chapter. I apologize for this. I should have verified the entire chapter got included. For some reason there was some corruption of the data that cut a large section. Here is the full chapter. Thanks for your reviews. More to come. Chapter 2 is out. **

Asuka fumbled her papers as she took her seat. The morning seemed empty, the crisp feel of the season wind caught her breath as she made her way from the apartment earlier. Maybe it was that, she thought. She plainly watched as others began to fill the classroom. She kept her eyes away from theirs hoping to avoid contact. She didn't want to talk, her throat was too raw from the night before. She didn't want to give others the wrong impression. She lazily slid her chin into the palm of her hand now focusing through the window. The sun was only partly in the sky and yet her sense of dread had already begun to eat away at her. She could hear idle chatter coming from the front of the room alerting her that class had started. Peering down she attempted to open her book but was quick to notice a hastily ripped piece of paper hovering over the corner of her desk. Her blue eyes darted to the front of the room assuring herself she would not be seen. She gripped the small paper with her fingers and brought it towards herself keeping caution. She then looked over to the desk beside her, Hikari pressed her finger against her lips signaling for her to keep quiet. Asuka only nodded as she unfolded the paper exposing Hikari's handwriting

"So, Asuka. You deem it necessary to read notes in my class?" asked a demanding voice.

Asuka looked up and saw her professor standing with an annoyed scowl across his bearded face. She knew what was to come next, "I suppose you want me to read what it says,"

From the corner of her eye she could see the color ooze from Hikari's face. She had been through worse, Asuka thought, being one of the children of the Evangelion always brought a sense of entitlement. She had faced death many times, what else could the world dish out? She loudly stood from her chair gripping the paper in her palm. She could hear Hikari frantically whispering to her but paid it no mind. Why can't she be calm, like her? She stood at the front of the room allowing the countless eyes to take in her presence. She emptied her throat which stung severely and whipped the paper to read it.

Her eyes began to scan the contents reading the first sentence. She realized she had made a grave mistake. She could feel the professor standing beside her, his foot tapping against the floor. That was the only sound she could hear as her world slowly began to shrink into nothingness. Her eyes lifted slowly to Hikari whose hands cupped her mouth, her eyes glazed with tears. Asuka too could feel a lump in her throat as she forced herself to restrain her own.

"We're waiting," her professor hissed.

Asuka swallowed hard before saying, "I can't read this,".

"Oh, but you were so eager to read it before? What changed your mind?" he said in patronizing tone.

Calm down, Asuka, don't lose it now she said to herself. He doesn't know. He's new here. He wouldn't know. She lowered the note as she stared intensely towards the floor hoping this would remedy her now shaking legs. Please, she begged, just let me sit back down.

"Go on, read it,"

Hikari stood up violently knocking her desk to the ground, "Enough!"

"Asuka, I've known you for a while now and I can't imagine what you must be going through," said the woman. Asuka said nothing as she stared out the window. No one could imagine what she was going through, "I know how much you cared for…"

"I care for no one," Asuka retorted not lifting her gaze from the window, "Aren't you supposed to be my therapist and say shit to me that matters?"

Her therapist flinched at the profanity but continued to hold onto the smile she was trained to show, "Now Asuka, why can't you see what everyone else is trying to show you. It's no secret that you and him had something and now you are trying to recuperate after his…"

With frightening speed Asuka came to her feet and over the therapist's desk. Their faces only inches from the other. A look of pure rage whipping chaotically within her eyes.

"Be careful of what you say next," Asuka hissed, her words dripping with poison. The older woman merely nodded allowing Asuka to leave the room in a storm.

The clashing of the train tracks sparked electricity against the darkened tunnel walls. Working people huddled close keeping their personal belongings at hand. Asuka sat quietly to herself at the end of the train car her head resting against the window. Her bag rested on her lap, her fingers intertwined with the lace. This was her life. School in the morning, therapy in the evenings. She couldn't stand the therapy sessions. That bitch didn't know anything and to make her go through with it didn't help any. She had only agreed to go through with it because it allowed her to live alone. One of Misato's conditions. She lived in the same apartment complex only several floors below Misato. She couldn't live with the woman anymore. She needed to be alone. She figured Misato only gave her the condition because she thought Asuka would commit suicide if she didn't get the help she needed. Well, "thought" she needed. Truth was, she was close to it. She hadn't planned the small details about how to go about it but she did think about it.

She wasn't a coward.

The train began to slow. Asuka stood awaiting her stop. The doors opened and people began to file out like drones to a task. She followed the massive flow of people until she came upon the street which led to her apartment. Night was slowly dragging the warm glow of the sun beneath the horizon and Asuka could feel it like something inside her was dying along with the sun. Her heels clicked the sidewalk as she wandered down the same street she had done everyday. She could hear the commotion of bustling restaurants, people laughing and living out their lives. She wished she could do the same. To escape from the invisible burden that plagued her for so long. She found herself standing at a crosswalk when her stomach began to plead in hunger. Maybe she would eat somewhere tonight, she hadn't done so in years. Turning a corner she was face to face with a lavish restaurant. Intimidation struck her as the thought of being around many people suddenly made her hunger disappear but her resolve was sound. She forced herself inside, her eyes making contact with the hostess.

"Just yourself ma'am?" she asked.

Asuka felt a pang of annoyance, who else but her? She tightened her jaw and answered a simple "yes". She was led into the amber dining room, the soft glow of the amber lights made her insides feel somewhat at ease. The hostess laid a menu onto the table which had was decked out in a white cloth and precious glass cups. She sat herself down placing her bag beside her, the emptiness of the chair opposite her resonated the emptiness she felt inside.

"Your waiter will be with you shortly," said the hostess. Asuka said nothing as she took the menu within her hands and began to search for something appealing.

"I never took you for someone who went to places like this," said a voice.

Asuka peered over the menu and saw a pair of brown eyes staring back at her. She smiled as she placed the menu down, "Well, there's a lot you don't know about me,"

Shinji laughed as he played with the glass cup, "Even after all these years you still act the same. Maybe things could have been different,"

She nodded as the waiter approached her, "Ma'am? Would you like a glass of our house wine?"

She nodded allowing the well dressed waiter to tip the bottle he held into her glass. He stopped and prepared to walk away before Asuka took hold of the man's sleeve, "Please, him too."

She pointed to the empty glass across from her. The waiter eyed her suspiciously as he reluctantly poured the second glass with wine. He waited a moment and when no other command was given he promptly left the table. Asuka took the glass between her fingers and lifted her head back taking in the golden liquid into her mouth letting it burn the back of her throat, "What an idiot,"

Shinji smiled as he too took a sip of his glass, "You can't blame him, he doesn't know,"

"I can blame anyone I want to. No one knows how it feels to be me," she said.

A slight pause came as she placed her glass onto the table, "You know, a lot of people will understand if you just tell them. I mean, I know how you feel,"

Asuka gave him a glare of contempt before saying, "How can you? You aren't here to understand,"

"Are you really taking it that badly? You always made fun of me. You always said I was an idiot,"

She scoffed, "Don't you think it was just my way of being me? Why can't anyone understand that?"

"Because you're running away from your trouble. You're doing what I used to do,"

"Maybe you just rubbed off on me," she said.

"Maybe you just can't let go,"

She looked away feeling her vision slowly going blurry. This was insane she thought. She was going insane, "Do you really think it's that easy? We were the children of Evangelion for Christ's sake. We worked together for so many years. You and I and that stupid Rei. Do you think I can just let that go after you…"

"Asuka, what happened had happened. There's nothing to change that. I don't want you going on through life thinking anything could be different,"

She feigned a smile, "Since when did you learn to talk to me like that? I always remembered you would stumble when you talked to me. You always didn't know what to say and know all of a sudden you can outwit me?"

"We are a little bit older, Asuka. We were children," he said to her in a whisper. He was right, she thought but she couldn't allow him the satisfaction.

"Do you think I'm insane, Shinji?" she asked taking a sip of her wine. She looked at him as a soft smile manifested across his lips.

"Of course not, Asuka. I think you are lost,"

She shrugged, "That makes two of us," she said in a mocking tone.

"Ma'am, are you alright?"

Asuka looked up to see the waiter standing alongside another man wearing an elegant suit. She took the man in the suit as the manager. Her eyes suddenly scanned behind the man and noticed many other people staring at her. She looked away and downed the rest of her wine. Fire seemed to erupt within her stomach.

"No, why do you ask?" she said softly trying to evade his look.

The manager shifted uncomfortably as he bent towards her, "We've gotten some complaints from other patrons that you were talking to yourself. Is anything the matter, ma'am?"

Without thinking she withdrew a few bills from her bag and set it down on the table. She thanked them for their concern but quickly made her way out. She couldn't bear to match eyes with the other people. She could feel the lump in her throat steadily rising.

Asuka stared numbly at the ceiling. She hadn't been able to fall asleep for several hours and after a while she no longer tried. She watched as lights danced across the walls from the streets below. Silence was her best friend allowing her mind to think undisturbed. Boxes among boxes of her belongings scattered the room most unopened. Her mattress sat an angle, her sheets messily sprawled across her floor. She lied there, her hands cupped over her abdomen and her hair spread in a red halo around her head. She found herself sitting up, her eyes staring at a lone box near the door. She crawled towards it and pried open the flaps. She stuck her hand within it feeling around for what she hoped was there. Her fingers met the plain surface of something solid and with a quiet joy she withdrew it from the box. It was a cassette player. Looking at it she frowned.

Where are the headphones, she thought? She searched the box again but came up with nothing. She sighed cursing under her breath. She went into her living room which was now a maze of boxes that were towered precariously at an awkward angles. She eyed a small box that sat by itself within a corner. Coming to her knees she dug into the box but was unable to come across the item she needed. She stood, for a moment she felt the sting of defeat but held onto the feeling of relief. She stood at the window, the glow of the moon emanating into the room. She eyed the cassette player and ejected the tape. Taking it within her fingers she read the white label: Listen to me.

She scoffed. He was an idiot if he really thought she was going to listen to it. She pressed the tape back into the player and tossed it onto a nearby box. She crossed her arms and stared into the darkness of the room. Suddenly she heard something ringing. Her head turned towards a chair, a coat hanging off the back. She came to it and dug into the pockets pulling out her phone. Flipping it open she stared at the screen, the word: Hikari, blinking in the darkness.

Her thumb moved to the "ignore" button but something within her forbade it. She took in a breath and raised the phone to her ear, "Why are you calling me now?"

"Because I know you are awake," Hikari said softly.

"What do you want?" Asuka said hotly.

"Do you want to talk?"

"Not really, I was trying to sleep,"

"I'm at the park. I think you should come,"

Asuka lowered the phone feeling anger beginning to rise in the depths of her mind, "Do you have to do this, now? Can't this wait until tomorrow?"

"Asuka, can you afford to wait until then?"

Asuka approached the entrance to the city park, her breath was visible as she shoved her hands into her coat. She didn't know what possessed her to humor Hikari's request. Sometimes she felt as if it was Hikari who had problems and not her. She wandered through the winding paths eventually coming to a bench where someone sat. A simple park light hovered over the figure casting a dark shadow over the sidewalk. The figure turned and waved at her. Asuka did not pay the same respect and instead approached her "friend" taking a seat beside her.

"What is it?" Asuka said without looking at her.

"I'm sorry," she said, the sound of her voice began to quiver, "I was just worried about you. I didn't mean for it to get out of hand yesterday,"

"It's fine, I'm used to it,"

"I don't want you to get used to it, Asuka. You're beginning to scare me,"

Asuka couldn't help but shoot her friend a look, "How am I scaring you?"

"I remember the day everything happened. No one could find you afterwards. I knew how you felt. I could see it in your eyes. I know how you felt about him. I know that feeling, Asuka. Why can't you just tell me? Why can't you just open up to me? What you are doing is unhealthy,"

"I'm leaving,"

Asuka got to her feet and took a step away only to feel the hem of her coat being tugged back. Turning her head she could see Hikari standing too, her eyes wet with tears.

"Why can't you talk to me, Asuka? For God's sake, I was your friend. I lost someone too. He was my friend too. Jesus Christ, Asuka, he saved my life. I own him a lot. And now I'm trying to help you. Let me help you Asuka, please!"

"There's nothing you can do, Hikari. You don't know how it feels to be with someone for so many years. Take them for granted. Abuse them. And just when you realize what they mean to you, lose them in a heartbeat. I don't know how to open up. I just want to be left alone,"

Hikari gripped Asuka's shoulder and spun her around, "And do what, Asuka? Kill yourself? Don't try to pull one over me. I know very well of what you're capable of. Shinji would never want this for you,"

"You don't know what Shinji would have wanted, you don't know anything," Asuka said harshly.

"Is that it? You are so deep in your own ego that you can't even admit to yourself that you need help. You're always been like that. You don't even know what you're running away from. Stop running away, Asuka,"

With a flash Asuka erupted whipping her hand across Hikari's face sending her backwards onto the ground. The young woman stared up at her, the look of hurt evident through her eyes. Not only physical but mental.

Hikari touched the side of her face feeling the sting of the slap and began to shake her head, "You were like a sister to me, Asuka. To see you in this much hurt only breaks my heart. You broke my heart, Asuka. And if Shinji were here, you would have broken his,"

She then dug inside her coat pocket and withdrew the note she had written to Asuka and placed it onto the bench. Asuka watched as her friend disappeared into the night without another word. Her eyes then locked onto the note that sat on the bench. She took it and sat unfolding the letter:

The note read: "Asuka, I know how you feel. I miss him too,"

Asuka lowered the letter and buried her face into her palm. She couldn't restrain the tears any longer as they began to flow uncontrollably. Her tears seeped through her fingertips and onto her lap. She took another look at the letter and found something new had been written at the bottom. Wiping as much tears away she forced herself to read the last part.

"You are always loved,"

Asuka crumpled the note into her palm and cried.


	2. Chance

Remember me

Chapter Two

Misato rapped her knuckles against the door until she heard a delicate voice respond. She opened the door and greeted Asuka's therapist. Misato had aged somewhat since the events of the angels invasion of the world. It was evident in her face through the firm lines that now gripped at her cheeks and forehead. She had assumed her looks had gone with the times but she was assured she was as lovely as ever by Toji, her on and off boyfriend. She had quit Nerv several years ago but she would be reminded of her previous life by her I.D. which never found itself from her purse. She kept it for sentimental value, however, it was like a two sided coin. She liked to remember the better times but it was a hefty reminder of the sacrifices humanity had made. More importantly, her sacrifices.

"So, how is Asuka doing? I haven't been able to get a hold of her myself," she said with a smile. The therapist tried to match her smile but Misato could tell any information she had was none to pleasing to be heard.

"She is… a difficult person to talk to," said the woman.

Misato shrugged, "Tell me about it,"

"Every now and then we might make some progress but other than that, she hasn't changed much," she said. Misato nodded but could feel an air of disappointment rush over her. She didn't want to lose Asuka. She was like a daughter and to lose her would just remind Misato of all of her past failures.

"Did she mention anything about the grave?" asked Misato.

The therapist only shook her head.

"Well, I think she's finding her own way to grieve," said Misato.

The therapist looked up at her, a quizzical look on her face, "How do you figure that? It just seems as if she wants nothing to do with anyone,"

Misato nodded her head, "Exactly. I know Asuka very well. This is just her way of doing things, despite being the most inefficient. She left flowers at the grave last night,"

"Really?"

"I said the same thing,"

"How often has she been going there?"

"Not often, not since when it happened. I just happened to walk through when I saw it. I know Asuka, she wouldn't want to be seen there."

"Enlighten me as to why,"

Misato shrugged again, "That's just who she is. She can't succumb to anything making her look weak. She puts up a front to scare people away. I think that's because she let someone in once and she feels they left her,"

"You're talking about him, right?"

"Yes, exactly,"

...

Asuka awoke to the sound of the door. She lifted her head up, the fog of slumber still hovered over her eyes. Her hand darted to the alarm clock that laid tipped over. Pulling it to her she realized it was close to the afternoon. She ripped the sheets off of her and sped to the door where she planted her face against the peek hole. She sighed, Misato had finally cornered her. She rubbed her temples before unlocking the door.

Misato waited as she watched the door slowly creak open exposing Asuka's sleep heavy face. She smiled causing Asuka to grunt.

"What do you want, Misato? Came here to yell at me for not going to university today? I think they'll understand," she said as she begun to close the door. Misato stuck her foot into the doorway keeping her smile.

"I agree, so why not come with me?" she said.

She could see Asuka's upper lip twitch, she knew what that meant, "Why? What are you up to?"

Misato found an opening and pushed her way inside forcing Asuka to stumble back in surprise. Walking in she could smell something foul and her eyes immediately found a pile of dirty clothes congregating at a far corner. She then caught sight of the makeshift table Asuka had created out of boxes. Beer bottles sat in a quiet formation most of them empty of their contents, like Asuka.

"Come on, hop in the shower. I want to take you out with me. I think you had enough of staying here for days on end," she said, "Oh, and put some pants on,"

Asuka peered down and could see she was only in her underwear, she crossed her arms, "Like I haven't seen you in your underwear when you were drunk,"

Misato gave her a sarcastic smile, "You're right but you're not drunk are you?"

"I can be,"

"Alright, let's go. Hop in the shower, I'm gonna give you ten minutes,"

"And if I choose not to?"

Misato poked at the beer bottles, "Let's just say I will be willing to drag you out one way or another,"

Asuka sighed as she retreated into her bedroom. Misato slowly made her way around the apartment taking in the despair and loneliness that stained it. It was obvious she hadn't unpacked since moving in, kind of reminded her of when she moved in several years ago. She lingered onward seeing the countless open boxes, clothes, books, souvenirs, and a cassette player? It looked familiar. She came upon it and took it with her palm. It was Shinji's, that much she knew. She then noticed a white label on the tape and ejected it.

"Listen to me?" she whispered. Did Shinji make this?

She hadn't realized her ten minute time limit had passed and heard the door to Asuka's room swing open. She took the tape and dropped it into her pocket. Setting the cassette player back down she turned to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Let's go," said Asuka.

...

Asuka said nothing as they drove down the highway. Music blared on the speakers but she noticed from the corner of her eye Misato lowering the volume. She knew was in for what Misato liked to call "girl talk". She wondered how badly would it hurt if she opened the car door and rolled out.

"So, how are you Asuka?" she asked.

Asuka bit her lip, she knew it.

"I'm fine," she replied.

Misato nodded as she took a turn into an exit, "How are you doing at your sessions? Making progress?"

"Why don't you go and ask her yourself?"

"Well, I thought I could ask you. I don't see a problem asking you,"

"You're not going to get anything from me, Misato. I'm not talking,"

Misato shrugged, "Well, I didn't really take you with me just to talk. I want to have some fun, I think you will enjoy yourself,"

"Where are we going?"

"Don't worry about it, you'll see,"

Asuka found herself staring at a shopping plaza. Her heart skipped a beat. This was not going to end well. She felt the urge to run but knowing Misato she would only hunt her down like an animal. Better to endure the travesties now and not later. She followed Misato as they traversed the crowd and into one of the shops. She flipped her coat collar up hoping to conceal her identity even though she knew there would be no one to identify her. She led her into one of the aisles where a line of women outfits hung from brackets. Misato found something within the wall of clothes and pulled out a black dress with lace designs. Asuka said nothing but scowled hinting to Misato she was less than amused. This went on for hours with Asuka showing no signs of participating. Misato had long since abandoned her purse and heels swinging from bracket to bracket pulling random outfits that would imminently be rejected. \

Asuka could tell Misato was beginning to falter and only found it amusing when she began to pant from running around frantically. Misato finally sat beside her, her face buried in her hands. Asuka could see the slight bob in her shoulders. God, please tell me this woman is not crying.

But it was too late, she could hear the unmistakable sound of sobs.

She sighed.

She lifted herself up and went over to the racks of clothes. Taking a deep breath she snatched a black blouse from the rack and held it lazily against herself.

"Misato, what do you think of this?"

Misato lifted a hand in a negative light and said, "I know what you're trying to do. I get it, I can drive you home."

Asuka covered her eyes in frustration as she made a bee line for a changing room. Misato watched her go and once she disappeared she gave herself a triumphant smile. Never ceased to work she thought.

Asuka stood in front of the mirror, her piercing blue eyes gazing heavily on herself. What was she doing? Was she actually feeling sorry for Misato? For trying to help?

"You don't feel sorry for her, you feel sorry for yourself,"

Asuka peered up at her reflection, her mirror image's arms crossed, a scowl on its face. Asuka could hardly breathe, was she really this sick to conjure up an imaginative version of herself? Well, it wouldn't be the first time this kind of shit happened.

Asuka turned from the mirror and began to take off her shirt to try on the black blouse, she was attempting to distant herself from her mind but little did she realize that her mind was something she could never achieve solace from

"Hey, moron, I'm talking to you,"

Asuka turned an eye behind her shoulder towards the mirror, "I'm not listening to you,'

Her mirror image sighed as it began to rub its temples in annoyance, "Even in your own head you refuse to take advice. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? The fact that I am imagining I'm talking to my reflection is what's wrong with me. Let me just humor myself and ask, what do you want?"

"It's not what WE want, it's what WE need. When are you going to get that stick out your ass and try to accept what others are trying to do for you? What Shinji tried to do for you,"

Asuka scoffed as she slid the blouse over her head, "Shinji didn't try to do anything. No one is trying to do anything. Why can't everyone just leave me alone?"

"Why? What do you hope to accomplish being alone?"

"Nothing, I just want to be alone,"

"That's a lie and you know it,"

"So what if it is?"

"Then you're a liar,"

"Really, does it matter if I lie to someone?"

"No, you lie to yourself,"

Asuka said nothing as she stared down at her blouse and then back towards the mirror where her reflection had resorted back to its original pose. She was empty inside, she could feel the hollowness deep within raging with silent contempt. She found herself pressing her back against the wall keeping her eyes on herself as she slid down onto the bench.

God, what was wrong with her?

She buried her face into her hands and sat there holding her breath, a trick she devised to retrain the tears that would inevitably come.

"Asuka?"

She sat up straight quickly wiping her eyes, she cleared her throat before saying, "Yeah, what is it?"

Misato tossed a pair of black jeans over the door, "I was hoping you could try this on for me,"

Asuka eyed the garment and sighed, "Yeah, sure,"

"Are you okay?"

Asuka closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, "As always,"

"Alright, let me know if you need anything," said Misato as she turned to walk away.

"Hey, Misato?"

"Yeah,"

"If I'm wearing black, do you think you can find me some shoes?"

Misato smiled something warm, "Of course,"

...

The day continued on with countless trips to different shops and novelties. Misato could feel the tension begin to alleviate but she didn't dare say a word about it in fear it might break the now relaxed atmosphere she had created. She couldn't even remembered the last time Asuka smiled. It was a beautiful smile that only sent heartache through her, how long was this Asuka buried behind the hurt? Checking her watch she made a mental note of the time realizing they had been at it for nearly four hours. They stopped at a small plaza coffee shop suited with suede couches and wooden exterior. It had been a while since Misato had sat in one of these western shops but she always liked the homey feel. They sat in a booth, the dark leather softly expelling air as they took a seat. An older man soon made his way towards them and took their requests. Misato asked for tea whereas Asuka called for coffee. The man nodded with a smile, his white beard forming to his boyish grin and with a bow he left their sides. Misato pressed her elbows to the table and cupped her chin watching with intent eyes to Asuka who only stared back with an air of nonchalant.

"Why are you staring at me?" she asked.

Misato shook her softly, "I'm just, glad,"

"Why? Because I decided to play along?" Asuka retorted.

"Oh, come on, we are having fun," said Misato with a girlish smile, "So, how's school going?"

Asuka played with the tiny sugar packets that sat placidly on the wooden table. She could feel a angry retort scratching the back of her throat but with the words of her mirror image ringing like a bad song in her head she decided to relinquish her pain.

"It's fine," she began without letting up her gaze, "Day in, day out. To be honest I don't even know what I'm going to school for. We finished Project Eva several years ago. I'm considered a veteran. I really don't have to work anymore for the rest of my life. So, what's the point?"

Misato nodded, "Well, you never know. Maybe one day you would want to find something to better occupy your time,"

"Do you honestly think it was my fault?" Asuka spat.

Misasto's eyes suddenly became dangerous, "Now, Asuka…"

"Answer me,"

"Asuka,"

"Everyone knows it was my fault. Why can't anyone else see that? Do they think I'm stupid? Do they think I can't put two and two together? Why can't you just blame me? Why beat around the bush?"

Misato placed her hand over Asuka's, her eyes could throw knives, "You cannot be blamed for something if you had no control over it. What happened that day could not be avoided. It was fate and to blame yourself for weakness is foolish. It was not your fault,"

Asuka nodded slowly as she continually stared at the sugar packets as if they were the medium between her and Misato.

The drive home that night was met with silence. Misato couldn't muster the courage to say anything in fear she might trigger another relapse. They reached the apartment complex without so much as a word. Asuka grabbed her bags and began to head upstairs. Misato feeling the burn of defeat reached into one of her own and pulled out a can of beer. Flipping the tab she dowsed herself taking in the entirety of the can. When she lowered her head she could see Asuka standing several feet away staring with those hypnotic blue eyes.

"What? Got something smart to say?" burped Misato as she sat herself on the hood of her car. Asuka watched as the buzzed woman began to take another can from the depths of her bag. She walked over and snatched a can for herself, "What are you doing?"

Asuka said nothing as she mimicked Misato, flipping the tab caused a burst of white froth to escape the can. Without hesitation Asuka rocked her head back and downed the beer in a few hearty gulps. Misato watched rather impressed by the girl's skill.

"You think you can get drunk, I got you beat," Asuka said with a whimsical smile.

Moments later the door to Asuka's apartment burst open. The two women giggled and laughed with eager hysterics as they tumbled into the stacks of boxes that made the room into a virtual labyrinth. Asuka couldn't help but go into a laughing fit with only the faint awareness she had left the front door open. She wiggled her way searching for the lip of the door with her foot and clumsily slamming it. Misato lied face down on the floor laughing, countless shopping bags littered the floor but the most important bag was only an inch from her face. She dragged the 12-pack from the bag and dove her hand into the torn open cardboard that encased her precious liquid love. She found the rigid body of two beers and rolled one over to Asuka who was lying on her back in a dazed stupor.

"Aw, don't tell me you're quitting," teased Misato.

Asuka giggled as she snatched the can from the floor and sat herself against the wall for support. She couldn't think straight and the once overbearing feeling of dread was being washed away. She felt numb but it didn't hinder the smile she couldn't erase from her face.

"As if, I can out drink you, old lady," she said whipping her hair back preparing for another round. Misato suddenly sat up straight, a look of bewilderment across her make-up smeared face.

"How dare you!" she slurred, "I am a young and spry woman. Just ask any man I've been with,"

Misato found her beer and drank hungrily. Asuka couldn't help but chuckle at the notion. Misato laughed spilling beer onto the floor. Even in her impaired state she apologized and began to sponge it up with a rag she found hanging from one of the boxes. As she began to clean up the mess something slipped from her pocket and fell onto the floor with a clattering noise. Misato knew what had fallen and tried to retrieve it but Asuka had been too quick and pinned the tape with her hand.

"Why do you have this?" she said holding up the tape, beer had stained the white label. Misato stared without an answer watching the brown stain invading the words: Listen to me.


	3. Midnight Remembrance

Remember Me

**Chapter Three**

"You can't go and tell anyone about this, you hear me? If anyone finds out I'll kill you regardless if you told them or not,"

"I won't but I still don't know why you have such a problem with me telling someone?"

"I have a reputation to uphold, I'm not going to let that go to waste after all I've done,"

"So, even after all we've been though, it's your reputation that you're most concerned about?"

Asuka sighed, "It's not like that, Shinji."

They ate in silence. The cafeteria had long since closed but the cooks made an exception for them. The Nerv logo painted on the walls, stacks of clean trays sat in a neat arrangement, the kitchen now quiet and dark. Asuka poked around her tray with her plastic spoon watching as she autonomously made a mountain out of her food. It was weird not being under constant alert. Everything was so quiet she could hardly put out the constant alarms that would blare at all hours of the night. This was the first time they had been dismissed as Eva pilots and something about it almost scared her. She felt as if she had lost her purpose but as her eyes looked up at the boy opposite her that feeling soon died away.

"So what do you think is going to happen now?' he asked stuffing his mouth full of potatoes. Asuka shrugged not willing to delve into work. She wanted a moment of clarity and he wanted to talk about the future. Something she was not accustomed to talk about.

"Well, what do you want to do after this?" she heard him say.

"Why are you asking me? You're supposed to be the man, right? Isn't that what boyfriends do on a date? Don't they make the plans?" she said. Shinji's face suddenly went red as his eyes darted down to his own tray. She could tell he wasn't prepared for her boldness but he was just going to have to get used to it.

"I don't know, we can… watch a movie?"

She sighed, "You really are dumb aren't you? It's nearly two in the morning. Everything is closed,"

He shrugged, "We don't have to go to a cinema or anything, Misato has a bunch of movies at the apartment. We could watch something there. It's not like we have a curfew anymore,"

She squashed a pea with her spoon, "I guess we can do that, lame date though,"

"I didn't know we were on one,"

"You're so dumb. If you ask me to be your girlfriend what did you think this was?"

He laughed but then attempted to retrain it, "Um, Asuka, I don't think I asked you. You came up to me and asked if we were going out or not. I just said yes, so in reality, you asked me,"

His face met with a glob of mashed potatoes. Asuka had become adept at using her spoon as a slingshot. Something she would use to do at school, "Fine, then do it properly. Ask me,"

"Asuka, I don't think…."

"Ask me, idiot. It's not official until the boy asks the girl. It doesn't work the other way around,"

He sighed wiping his face with his napkin, "Alright, fine. Asuka, do you want to go out with me?"

"I should make you beg but considering you're already not on a good start I'll spare you it for now. Fine, we can be boyfriend and girlfriend."

Although her tone was sharp she could see the smile across his face. It was a childish one but that didn't stop her heart from fluttering in delight. Something in the air felt different. She felt suddenly at peace. She knew she would have to ease the way she treated him but this was the only way she knew how. He seemed fine with it and that was all she needed. She couldn't help but stare at him. How this complete moron captivated her was beyond comprehension. He was such a coward, a kid with no backbone. But maybe that's what she loved. He accepted her, something not many people did willingly. In the vast, broken world she found someone who accepted her for her all her flaws. Even a person like her could realize when she had found something precious. She needed to hold onto it.

"Asuka?"

She noticed he caught her gaze and felt her cheeks heat up, "What?'

He smiled and took his tray. She watched him stand from the table and slide into the chair beside her placing his tray next to hers. She wanted to yell at him, to scream at him even but her voice was locked away. Her mind unable to come up with the best way to demean him.

"It's alright, I was thinking about you too,"

She felt as if someone was squeezing her throat not allowing a single world to escape. She darted her attention back to her tray and scooped a massive spoonful of peas into her mouth, hoping the redness in her face would subside.

They decided to walk to the apartments that night. It was close to their time of winter, the night air was cold and crisp but refreshing. The stars gleamed in supreme brilliance and their silence only embraced the comfort they both felt. The war between man and God had come to an end. They were free to be teenagers and enjoy their lives. In the distance the darkened silhouettes of ruined buildings sat in silence casting an eerie echo of their past battles. They had been through a lot of which they both knew the stakes. They had gotten through the impending doom set to instill the earth will death and destruction. But somehow it now seemed trivial. Somehow, Asuka thought, the life ahead her would be much more difficult given she was now treading into uncharted territory. Little did she know she wouldn't be far from the truth.

"Hey, Asuka?"

She blinked, she had lost herself in thought, "Yeah?"

"I always thought you hated me, why do you even want to be my girlfriend?"

Her lip twitched, a habit she couldn't escape, "Would you rather me just ignore you? I can do that,"

He laughed nervously, "No, no. I was just wondering. You don't have to answer it if you don't want to,"

Relax, Asuka. It was only a question.

"I don't know," she lied, "You're not allowed to say anything else until we get back home, got it?"

He nodded looking the other way. She could feel a slight pang of guilt wash over her. What a moron. They continued down the street, their shadows casting over the sidewalk and receding with each passing of a street light. She began to lose herself in her mind again thinking. It wasn't until she felt Shinji's hand brush up against hers did her head whip in his direction. She could tell he was about to apologize but the sudden remembrance of her words suddenly entered his mind. He gave her an apologetic look and looked away. He was hopeless. She then took a breath swiping his hand in hers gripping it.

"Asuka?"

She shot him a scowl, "What did I say?"

He kept quiet but this time a slight smile etched onto his face. She felt herself smiled too but didn't dare let him see it.

They reached the apartment and found a letter hastily written on the front door. Shinji took it and read it, "Celebration going on, be back tomorrow. Love, Misato,"

"Partying as always, old woman," sneered Asuka. Shinji laughed as they entered the empty apartment. Turning on the lights Asuka spotted a case of beer sitting on the table, another note sat beside it a large red bow glued to the top of the case. This time Asuka snatched it and read, "A present from me. Don't get too wild, don't want any complaints from the neighbors. Love Misato,"

Asuka's eyes stared at the smile face drawn goofily at the notes border. Was this some kind of joke? Shinji came up at her shoulder, "What does it say?"

Asuka crumpled the note and tossed it aside, "Nothing. The drinks are ours apparently. About time, I told her I was allowed to drink in Germany since I was a kid. Figured it would take the impending apocalypse to allow me to drink if I wanted to. Here,"

She dug into the case and tossed him a can. He fumbled it but caught it before it hit the floor. He watched as she skillfully flipped the tab sending the alcoholic beverage flowing down the sides of the can and onto the floor. He mimicked the gesture but succeeded in breaking off the tab. Asuka threw herself onto the couch kicking off her shoes and tossing her legs onto the table. Shinji then sat beside her, his can unopened catching Asuka's eye.

"Damn, you're useless," she said before taking a swig of her beer. She handed her can to him leaving him to sit there unknowing what to do next, "Well, aren't you going to drink some?"

He nodded and whipped his head back taking a massive gulp.

Asuka watched, "You might want to pace yourself. Last thing I need is for you to puke everywhere,"

He finally let up lowering the beer from his lips, "Doesn't taste so bad,"

She scoffed and took the can away from him, she didn't realize it but this was the first time she felt comfortable. Not with him but with herself.

The hours of the morning waned on but Asuka couldn't help but wipe the tears from her eyes as she couldn't contain the hilarity. She watched Shinji mimic Misato during the many times she came home drunk ranting and raving about Toji. He made accurate faces and his mannerisms displayed Misato vividly.

"Remember the one time she came home and she was literally crawling through the door?" he said bellied over laughing.

Asuka nodded, the world around her began to spin, "Yeah, you and I had to drag her into her room before she woke the neighbors. I had to yell at you four times and you kept falling every time she moved,"

Shinji now had fallen from the couch and was on the floor clutching his stomach. His laughter echoing through the apartment. She herself found her face embedded into the arm of the couch to muffle the screams of hilarity she couldn't restrain. Memories flooded her mind, whether she wanted to or not she was enjoying herself. Finally she found enough control in the confusion in her mind to find her fifth can of beer which sat at the nightstand besides the crowd of other cans. She rocked her head back and let the final remains of it empty into her stomach. She turned to Shinji who had gone quiet and clumsily grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged,

"Hey, get up here. You're my boyfriend you should be sitting here with me," she scolded him. He wearily lifted an arm and shooed her away. She pulled at his shirt again but found herself leaning too far off the couch causing her to lose balance and fall forward onto him. Shinji let out a grunt but laughed shortly afterwards. She hovered over him her vision slowly returning to the real world. Shinji caught sight of her deep blue eyes and his smile suddenly evaporated. Something was different, the air now void of its comedic influence and now filled to the brim with a mystique haze.

"You won't run away right? From me?" she whispered.

Shinji shook his head, "I don't think I could bring myself to do that,"

"Stupid Shinji, you tried to run before. What makes you think you can't now? You piloted the Eva, something you didn't want to do. Now its over, the door is open for you to go wherever you want. Why don't you leave?"

"Do you want me to?"

"I would find you, I would hunt you down. You said you will be my boyfriend and a man keeps his word,"

"I still wouldn't try to run away,"

"Why?"

Silence interjected as Shinji blinked at her seemingly void of an answer. Finally he said, "We've been through a lot,"

"That's no excuse. Promise me you won't leave,"

"Asuka, I won't…"

She cupped his mouth forcing quiet, "Don't tell me you won't. Promise me,"

She slowly slid her fingers off his lips, "I promise, Asuka." She lowered her forehead against his chest feeling the shame of an emotion she knew was about to betray her. She forced herself to lift her head.

"Now we have to seal the promise," she said to him.

He looked around, "I don't think I can give you a handshake with you on me,"

She smiled and chuckled almost allowing tears to fall unwarranted, "You're stupid. That's not how we are supposed to do it,"

He thought for a moment and with a spark of understanding said, "You're not going to hold my nose again are you?"

She shook her head, "I think you're smart enough. Unless you need me to,"

He shook his head.

She lowered her head and took his lips into hers savoring the alcohol flavor that laced them. This warmth she felt within her chest accompanied with the sheer ecstasy that electrified her veins was more than a simple seal of a promise. It was the final obstacle she had overcome. She allowed herself to be vulnerable. Shinji couldn't see it but she was as vulnerable she had ever been. She was lucky he couldn't pick up on it. Maybe that's why she saw his flaw to be one of his greatest strengths. Acceptance.

From the darkness Asuka could hear the blaring sound of an alarm screaming at her. Her head turned and could see the time blinking angrily. Peering to her side she could see an empty part of the bed. Another dream, she whispered angrily to herself. How long could she take them? She couldn't find an answer. It seemed life couldn't provide that to her anymore. And she had to accept that.


	4. Guilt

Remember Me

**Chapter Four**

**Author's Note: I will not lie. I got a little choked up writing this. Maybe because I could visualize it being the one who wrote it. I don't know, tell me what you think. **

The sun cast a deep amber across the hills, sliver of purple and orange ran through the skies stretching from one horizon to the other. Crows called in the distance, pale leaves glided across the ground in silence as Asuka stood like a statue over a lone marker in the ground. Her eyes made no movement as they studied the black stone that penetrated the ground. A countless number of them stood across the vast plains. The countless people who had lost their lives laid to rest here. The valley of the dead. Despite the loneliness she felt the presence of so many grave markers made it seem she was standing within a crowd. All awaiting for their own loved ones to visit them, many of which would never see that day considering their loved ones were buried along with them. Many family lines ended during the war between man and God. She was one of the few who survived. Something she wished hadn't been the case.

"You're such a liar," she whispered. Her gloved fingers clutched the small bouquet a flowers she held in anger, "You said you would never run away,"

The marker didn't answer back only causing the pain inside to amplify. She stared teary eyed into the sky hoping gravity would sink the tears back into the void. She could feel her vision become foggy. She lowered herself before the grave marker and pushed away the dried flowers she had left previously aside. Placing the new ones down she stared at the engraving placing her fingers into the grooves feeling as through her legs would begin to buckle under her weight.

"You… you promised me," she said gasping, "You're such a damn LIAR!"

She could hear a flock of crows take off into the sky flapping their wings sending an echo of departure across the plains. She wished she had the ability to fly away from here. To leave and never come back. The pain was just too real, she held too much of it and she knew time wouldn't be able to erase the scars left deep on her heart. The day everything changed rushed back into her head like a plague she couldn't run away from. Biting her lower lip she remembered that morning.

...

She sat in silence watching the trees sway easily in the breeze. In the background she could hear her teacher talk about something she paid no mind to. School was trivial, she should have already been in college by now if it wasn't for stupid Japanese technicalities. Her head rested on her hand as she scribbled aimlessly on her notebook. Her eyes drifted behind her shoulder where she noticed an empty desk. When was he going to get off his ass and come back to school? She quite enjoyed teasing him and throwing him notes. Being by herself made things boring. She adjusted herself but just then her bag began to vibrate. Keeping caution not to draw attention to herself she immediately dove her hand into it and felt for her phone. As her fingers touched it someone appeared at the doorway. Everyone looked up and noticed another teacher standing there, a look of distress quite evident on his face.

"Excuse me, I need Asuka," he said.

The entire classroom shot a look at Asuka who only stared back in confusion. She stood and bowed taking the phone into her pocket where she casually made her way to doorway. The teacher drifted behind a wall keeping clear of everyone's view.

"Asuka?" he said.

"What is it?" she replied, her phone continued to vibrate noisily in her pocket.

The teacher looked away uncomfortably for a moment, "It's about Shinji, there's been some complications I think you need to…"

Asuka spun around and sprinted away, her mind numb of any thought. As she dashed down the stairs she flipped open her phone. A text message from Misato blinking at the screen. She continued down the hall and out the building dodging and ducking from random students who stood in her way. She made her way down the street when she opened the message. A surge of nausea gripped her stomach almost making her gag.

Something's wrong with Shinji, get over here. Misato.

The world was nothing but a blur as she sprinted with deathly speed down several blocks. She didn't realize how far she had ran. Everything melted into the background and no longer mattered. She needed to get there and time was never kind to her. What felt like hours she found herself at the lobby of a hospital, her throat burned and her legs were numb but her mind had only one goal. Get to him.

The receptionist stood as she saw her and immediately pointed at the elevator, "Miss? There's an elevator open for you. I made sure it was empty,"

But Asuka didn't listen. She bolted for the staircase and forced herself nearly six flights of steps. She fell on the last one her legs simply began to give up from the gauntlet. She mustered the last bit of strength she had and burst through the stairway door and down the hall where a cluster of doctors stood in quiet contemplation. They heard her approach and immediately stepped away feeling the pure thunder she brought with her. She came upon the door and saw Misato standing over Shinji, her eyes wet. Asuka fell to her knees as her eyes found themselves on the heart rate machine where the line was so shallow it almost didn't seem as if it was moving anymore.

"Asuka…" whispered Misato. The doctors helped Asuka to her feet but her legs refuse to solidify. With aid she made her way to the side of his bed. The air from her lungs disappeared as she saw the grave state he was in. His eyes had sunken and were now nothing more than two orbs surrounded by darkness. His cheekbones protruded exposing the dip which gave him a look of starvation. She sat at the foot of his bed her mind blank void of any thought. Misato watched her feeling the empty stare Asuka couldn't control.

"Asuka, he won't make it much longer," she said in a watery whisper. Asuka couldn't fathom it. She could not say a word. It was like someone had disconnected her from her own brain.

Suddenly, Shinji's eyes opened exposing his dark eyes behind two slits. He spotted her and gave a weak smile, "Hey, Asuka."

Misato watched as Asuka's jaw tightened causing the muscles around her face to show in the light. She couldn't imagine how she felt but watched with hope. Shinji lifted his arm which was nearly covered with medical tubes and tape and drifted his hand towards Asuka. The girl looked away and once his hand met hers she swiped it away.

"You're fine, stop being a kid," she hissed, her words full of harshness but laced with fear.

Shinji smile only broadened seemingly understanding her words not as maliciousness but her own way of coming to terms, "Asuka, don't be mad at me."

She shook her head, "Just stop. I'm not mad at you. Just get up and let's go to school. You haven't been there in weeks and it's getting boring. Some boyfriend you are, letting your girlfriend be alone all the time,"

"Asuka…" said Misato.

Asuka began to rub her temples, "Don't talk to me,"

Misato was about to retort but was met with a subtle hand gesture by one of the doctors. It was obvious they knew how she was feeling.

"Asuka, I won't be at school anymore," whispered Shinji, "You know that,"

She slammed her fists against her lap, "Stop saying that! You'll be fine. How can you call yourself an Eva pilot? You've been through worse and now you decide to die?"

"Asuka, smile," he breathed.

"Why should I? You're causing a scene and embarrassing me. Boyfriends don't do that,"

"Please," he whispered, "Smile,"

"You won't die," she whispered back not looking at him.

"Smile,"

"Not until you get up,"

"Smile, Asuka, for me,"

"You heard what I said, Shinji,"

"I'm sorry…"

"Stop apologizing and just get up,"

A low hum carried into the room sending Asuka's teary eyes focusing on the heart rate monitor. Something in the back of her mind shattered as she recognized the flat line. Her eyes then turned to Shinji who laid motionless, his eyes closed, his arm unmoving. Misato cupped her mouth and cried softly into her hands. Asuka felt her breathing skip and become fast. Her chest began to rise and fall heavily as the sudden realization of what came to be hit her like a truck. She quickly snatched his hand and held in hers.

"Shinji… Shinji I'm not done talking to you," she whispered.

She felt a hand rest on her shoulder but she shoved it away.

"Shinji, Shinji! Get up! Stop messing around! You're upsetting me!" she found herself almost screaming. He didn't respond, his head tilted slightly away from her.

"Don't you dare… don't you fucking dare leave me. You PROMISED me, Shinji! YOU PROMISED ME!"

Her air caught off as she held his hand preciously against her cheek, tears poured down her face dripping like rain from a gutter. She didn't care who was around her now. She didn't care anymore. She couldn't bring herself to think of it true. She was alone. Alone in the world. She couldn't fathom it. She couldn't.

She pressed her forehead against his, "Look, I'm smiling. Please wake up, please. Don't make me look like an idiot. I'm smiling, open your eyes and you'll see."

He said nothing which only caused the pain in her heart to explode. She felt her insides melt and her eyes could no longer sustain her vision. She closed her eyes and let the tears envelop them.

She screamed in pure agony, "Shinji! You promised me…"

She slid over him and rested her head on his chest screaming while gripping his hand firmly in hers. She couldn't let go, not yet.

A doctor came from behind her, "Come along, Asuka. He's gone,"

"No he's not!" she screamed at him.

"Asuka, please," said Misato trying to restrain her own tears.

She continued to cry and ungodly cry. Her sobs and agony filled screams echoed down the hall. Many nurses who stood by looked away feeling the chilling cries resonate deep within them. They never heard of such sorrow especially not from a sixteen year old girl. Love, they thought, severed by the knife of life.

Asuka sat alone in the waiting area, her shoulders covered by a medical blanket her hands numbly holding a plastic cup filled with something hot. She couldn't drink it, her stomach wouldn't allow it. She didn't know how long she sat there but it seemed like hours. She couldn't hear much commotion hinting that it was nighttime. Her eyes burned and were sore, her cheeks still damp. She couldn't get her lower lip to stop quivering and constantly bit it. It was long before she could taste her blood, that copper taste she was had grown so used to. She couldn't stay here, she thought, she had to leave. She tossed aside the blanket and dumped the cup into the nearest trash can and walked with haste out the door. The cool night hit her like falling into a pool of chilled water. She became dizzy, using her hand she attempted to balance herself until she found an alley. Without a second thought her stomach purged whatever she had eaten that morning sending it splashing onto the ground. She felt somewhat better but it was like a wound being stitched. She could still feel the pain. She found a clean area away from her vomit and slid her back against the wall burying her face into her hands.

"I didn't get to tell him," she whispered to herself, "I could've but I didn't. Shinji, please don't think I never loved you. Please don't think that of me,"

She began to cry again but no tears came, she exhausted them. She cursed at herself, over and over again not letting up the insults she thought she deserved.

"I didn't tell him…" she said in a watery burst, "God, please tell him for me."

She brought her legs to her chest and hugged them. She was alone. Never in her life did she think that this pain would surpass any pain she felt piloting the Eva. She thought it a myth but now she was the victim of her own pride.

"Mama," she said softly, "Please take care of him,"

Her head lowered across her arms as she drifted into the most painful slumber she had ever endured. Hopefully she could find solace in her dreams although it seemed as if only more pain was embedded into her future. A future she didn't want to live.


	5. Memories

Remember Me

**Chapter Five (Memories)**

**Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. This is the most serious plot tone I've ever taken to a fan fiction. I wanted to try something different and instead of trying to rework the plot I've decided to go into a plot where we get to see what would happen if something like the death of a major character would effect others on a mental level. I like the reviews, I always like to see the thoughts of people who read my work it keeps me going and insightful. I'll keep updating as much as I can and hopefully finish this story by the end of next week. Thanks for your reviews. I write for you guys. Let me know what you think so far. **

**-Enigma**

Hikari sat keeping her eyes glued to the entrance of the tea shop hoping her unanswered text messages had been received. Her brown eyes then lowered to her watch.

13:30

She wasn't coming. She sighed and began to gather her things but suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking up she saw a pair of blue eyes staring back at her with a subtle welcoming smile. Something she hadn't anticipated.

"I thought you weren't coming,." she said.

Asuka lowered her bag to the chair beside her and sat herself down, "I didn't think I was either but something told me I should. So, I'm here. What did you want to talk about?"

Hikari could hardly believe Asuka was making this easy but didn't hesitate to jump on the chance. She peered down at her hands which played with the rings on her fingers. It was almost as if Asuka had forgotten the other night and yet here she was willing to talk.

"Asuka, about the other night,"

Asuka waved her hand to stop her friend, "I'm only going to say this once and I will not repeat myself so you better listen,"

Hikari winced as she felt the oncoming onslaught of Asuka's words but to her astonishment it never came.

"I'm sorry,"

Hikari's head whipped up staring at her friend in almost bewilderment. Did she hear her say that? As long as she had known Asuka the words "I'm sorry" had never left her mouth. Not for anyone but now for her, "Asuka, it was my fault. I shouldn't have pressured you into talking with me. I know it must have taken a lot to come down here and talk to me and for that I'm glad,"

Asuka had been in the process of ordering tea during Hikari's comment and finally turned to her to reply, "Hikari, would you stop yammering? I said I was sorry. There is no way around it. I hit you, it wasn't right. You were trying to be a friend and I see that. Just take what I said and leave it be. Now, why did you call me here? I'm hoping it's not just to make amends from the other night?"

Hikari rubbed her arm. Asuka was always good at finding out the real cause for situations and this was no different. She didn't know how well Asuka would take this but she would feel less of a friend if she didn't come clean with it.

"Asuka, it's about Shinji," she said.

The waiter came to her and delivered her tea which she took a dainty sip from, "I know. The only thing I don't know is to what about him you want to talk about. It's no secret what happened, what else is there to say?"

Hikari could feel her throat tighten, "He told me something when I went to visit him at the hospital a few years ago,"

The sound of a porcelain cup hitting the table caused her to flinch. Looking at Asuka she could tell she had struck a nerve but to what end she couldn't tell. Asuka's eyes went from pleasant to fierce in a matter of seconds.

"What do you have to tell me… Hikari?" Asuka hissed in a low dangerous tone. Hikari felt fear suddenly rise up and blind her. Her mind searched for a good way to relay her information but she could feel the danger of teetering on the edge.

"Well, it's just…"

Asuka stopped her once again but this time holding out a hand, "Before you say something to really piss me off, I want to know why it took you nearly two years to tell me this?"

Hikari felt her lower lip quiver as the sense of betrayal began to scratch at her, "I swore a promise I wouldn't tell you until the time was right,"

"And what makes you think the time is right now? Why not last year or the same damn day he died?"

"Asuka, please. Just let me talk and maybe you will understand,"

"You got five minutes. If I don't hear what I need to hear this will be the last time we speak. Make it count,"

Hikari searched the depths of her mind gathering up the scraps of details that laid dormant for so long. She tried her best to recollect every last point and prayed it would be enough to suffice, "This was when we thought he would recover. He was sitting up and bed talking like normal. Everything seemed fine but when I started to leave he told me to stay a little longer,"

"Four minutes," said Asuka holding up four fingers.

`` Hikari felt her heart race, "He said that he knew he was not going to get any better and that he felt that this would be his last chance to get something off his chest,"

Asuka held up three fingers but said nothing as she listened.

"He said he managed to record something on a tape. He gave it to me but said I shouldn't give it to you until the moment was right. He told me to listen to it and to judge for myself whether or not if it would be good enough to have you listen to it. He wanted a girl's opinion saying that he was never good at explaining things to you. He had me schedule out the times so that after you would visit him I would come next so that you wouldn't expect anything. He wanted it to be a surprise. Asuka, I'm sorry I hadn't told you anything before but I couldn't betray him. It was his last wish, I couldn't go against that,"

Asuka sat with her arms crossed but said nothing, she nodded her head and grabbed her bag. She tossed a few bills onto the table, "Goodbye, Hikari,"

She whipped around and stormed through the door. Hikari felt a sense of panic as she gathered her own things and followed her out ignoring the stares she was receiving. She spotted Asuka walking down the street in a brisk but ran up to her.

"Asuka, please. He did this for you, did you even listen to the tape?" she asked.

Asuka stopped in her tracks dropping her bag and hovered a finger dangerously close to Hikari's face, "No, you listen to me. I can understand you doing that for Shinji, I really can. I can even understand that you never told me you knew what was on the tape. What I can't forgive is the fact that it took you two years to tell me. You have no idea what I have gone through thinking he hated me. He never told me anything before he died and this whole time you knew and never told me,"

She turned away grabbing her bag and walked out leaving Hikari to stand there almost speechless. As she turned a corner she could have sworn she heard Hikari yell out to her.

"He wanted you to know that he loves you…"

She shook her head. She was just imagining things.

She sat in her apartment. Her back against the wall and her legs up to her chest, a bottle of sake hung by the neck between her fingers dangled close to the floor. Her head rested on her arms as she allowed the alcohol to simmer in her system. It was the only thing that managed to numb her body besides the occasional breakdown. She couldn't afford the tears anymore. They only made her hurt more. Lifting her head her eyes attempted to gain focus on a small part of the floor where the tape cassette sat. She stared at it as thought it was calling out to her. She remembered the day she had found it. She had gone to see a psychiatrist, Hikari had come with her for support. When she had gone home that night she had found it in one of the pockets. She couldn't recollect where it came from but assumed it one of Shinji's standard music tapes that she used to like to hide from him, to tease him. It wasn't until the next day when she actually examined it that there was a white label on it which read: Listen to me.

She mustered the strength to listen to it but each time resulted in failure. She didn't know what held her from listening to it. Maybe it was fear. The fear of not knowing what was being said. Maybe she just couldn't face it after all this time. To come to terms with it and the tape threatened to bring closure. But that was what she wanted, right? Closure? Maybe it wasn't closure she so desperately wanted, maybe she just didn't want to forget him, to move on without him.

Screw it, she was going to listen to it, even if it killed her.

She reached out to grab hold of the tape but the grip of the alcohol was too strong. She fell over landing with a loud grunt her head hitting the floor. Her vision went black for a moment but soon regained some. She could make out the sake bottle rolling away from her. She tried to lift herself but her arms were like jelly and couldn't sustain her wait. She attempted to use her legs but they too provided no assistance. Lifting her head slightly she tried to find her prize among the moving scenery. Her head began to swim and everything had a phantom image hovering over. She finally found the tape sitting off way into the distance. With little strength she could possess she began to crawl her way towards it kicking several cans and bottles of beers causing a clanging sound to echo throughout the apartment.

"Smile, Asuka. For me," Asuka heard in the distance.

She rolled onto her back to see a figure standing several feet away, "I'm not listening to you, you can't make me!"

"I never hated you, Asuka," she could hear Shinji's voice say.

"That's a lie. I said so many bad things to you. You wouldn't even tell me what you wanted to say to me. You had to go to that bitch, Hikari and spill your guts. You told her, not me, your girlfriend. You're not even real. You are just in my head,"

She could see a faint silhouette kneel down and grab the tape, "Could you blame me? Trying to tell you things was always an ordeal on itself. I know you never said it but I knew you loved me just as much as I loved you,"

She rolled back onto her stomach and continued to crawl towards the voice closing her eyes to block the dizzying environment, "You know I did. How could you mistake anything I did? I never let you out of my sight. It hurt me you weren't with me. I thought of you all the time. I always made sure no one at school messed with you because you were mine. I couldn't tell you I loved you because I was afraid,"

"Afraid of what?"

"That you would run away,"

She felt a warm embrace and felt herself close to tears. She inhaled deeply attempting to hold them off, "And you did. No matter what I did you left me here, by myself,"

"I never left you, Asuka. I never did,"

"That's a lie," she breathed, "You left me all alone. You did the same thing my mother did. She left me too and I thought you would be different. But you did just the same. I don't need anybody. I only need myself,"

"Asuka, remember that night when we just went for a walk? We walked all night and into the morning. We didn't know it at the time but we walked nearly fifteen miles, hand in hand, talking about everything. I remember it. I never saw you smile so many times. You were beautiful. You actually let your hair down. Something I haven't seen you do in so long. I swore I'll always be with you and I never went back on it,"

She tensed and released a soft sob, "Shinji, I just want you here. Please, just be with me. I can't take it anymore." She felt a soft hand run through her hair which soothed her. She remembered when he used to do that. She would pretend to be asleep but she always was afraid of him knowing. She never wanted him to stop.

"I'm always here, Asuka. You might not see it but I am. You are strong,"

"Can you just stay here with me for a while? Please, until I fall asleep? I don't think I can stand,"

She heard him laugh, "Of course,"

She felt her eyes go heavy and her surroundings went black. She dreamed and for the first time in the past few years felt the sudden peace she was longing for. She dreamed of when they went they spent time together, the laughs they shared and mischief they gotten themselves into. She could feel herself smile in her sleep feeling his embrace which comforted her. She woke with a start when she heard her alarm clock going off in the distance. Opening her eyes she could make out morning peeping through her window. She lied there for a moment hoping her entire ordeal was just another dream but felt the pang of sorrow when she realized she was back in reality. She spotted the empty sake bottle several feet away from her, the smell of alcohol and bile filled her nose. She lifted herself from the floor and felt something within her palm. Looking down she noticed the tape was snug between her fingers. Lifting it to her face she could see the white label had been torn off leaving the word: Listen.

She got to her feet feeling the slight wobble in her knees. She tossed around several boxes until she found the cassette player. She took it into her hands and forced the tape into it, the now ripped label showing through the tiny visor. She dove into another box, one she hadn't checked and to her amazement she found the headphones she had lost. She sat herself against the wall staring at the player, her heart beating rapidly against her chest. She didn't know if she was ready for what she was about to hear but she knew she would have to face it sooner or later. Placing the buds into her ear her thumb hovered over the play button.

Then a knock from the door came.

Asuka jumped. She tossed the player aside and scurried to the door. Looking through the peek hole she could make out Misato's face, her hand waving in greeting.

She opened the door this time in full swing, "Asuka, how many times are you just going to answer the door in your underwear. They're could be others watching,"

"Really? I don't think it would matter," she said nonchalantly, "What's going on?"

Misato lifted a small box that sat at her feet, "I found this while cleaning my place out. I thought I gave you everything but it turns out I missed this one,"

Asuka eyed the box and could see it was bent and torn, probably from being handled without notice. Misato walked in and sat the box down on the kitchen counter.

"Asuka, when are you gonna unpack, better yet, when are you gonna air out this place. It smells like high hell,"

Asuka placed her hands on her waist, "I don't think you see the hell I'm going through,"

Misato only nodded taking that as a viable answer. She opened the box and pulled out smaller boxes and set them to the side. Misato then reached in and pulled out a small black frame and handed it to Asuka. She took it into her hands and felt a grin etch into her face. It was a picture Misato had taken of her and Shinji. No one had told Misato that they were dating but being her and their guardian at the time she instinctively knew like a mother with her children. Although she hadn't said anything she always treated them differently after the events of the war. Something they had grown to appreciate.

"I forgot I had these but I thought you would like holding onto them. I think they do you much more good that me." said Misato. Asuka nodded and placed the frame aside.

She eyed the smaller boxes, "What are those?"

"Oh these? More of the same. Pictures I took of you guys," she said. She took one of the boxes and peeled off the lid exposing countless pictures. Asuka stared at them. It was like someone opened a treasure trove of memories she had thought had all been washed away. She took the pictures into her fingers and saw the distant memories. One of her and Shinji eating somewhere, another of them walking, another showing the results of Asuka's cooking. But how?

"If you're wondering I took a lot of these on my phone," she smiled, "you guys were so into each other you almost never noticed when I took these pictures. Every now and again I took the memory to be developed. Over the years I put them into this box and eventually I forgot about them. Now I want you to have them."

Asuka didn't know what to say but welcomed the gesture with a smile, "Thank you,"


	6. Solace

Remember Me

**Chapter Six (Solace)**

**Author's Note: Well I broke my record. I added three new chapters today. Had a blast writing it. Hopefully you guys enjoy it. Thanks for reading. (Warning: I used some innuendos that might seem borderline but I have read worse on other "Teen" rated fics.) **

Misato donned her coat and knocked on Shinji's door. Not hearing a response she opened it and stuck her head in, "Shinji, I'll be back…"

She blinked. There in the bed Asuka slept with Shinji's arm wrapped around her waist, he too in a deep slumber. Misato pressed her fingers to her lips to hush herself as she slowly pulled away. Her guardian instincts told her to intervene the potential inappropriate situation but another thought popped into her head. They had been through a lot, more than an adult could ever see in their lifetime. They were grown up enough she told herself. She slowly gripped the door handle and closed it not making a sound. She tiptoed towards the front door and slid herself outside closing the door behind her.

"Well, at least the go to school for things like that," she assured herself.

Asuka opened an eye and whispered, "I think she's gone,"

Shinji yawned, "You think she suspects anything?"

Asuka turned to him in bed, "Do you think it matters. It already happened,"

"What happened?"

She flicked him across the nose, "What do you think idiot? Do you think I let you take off my shirt for no reason?"

"Well I didn't force you," he said blushing. She kissed him tenderly but just as quick she got to her feet.

"No, you didn't then again you don't have the guts to try," she said sarcastically. Shinji shook his head but smiled all the same.

"Can I ask you a question?" he said.

Asuka found one of his shirts and slid it over her, "You already did dummy,"

"Was that your first time?"

She scoffed, "What's with you and killing the mood? C'mon I'm hungry,"

She left the room wandering into the living area. Of course that was my first time you idiot, she thought, what you thought I was some kind of harlot? She brushed the thought from her mind and sat on the couch trying to think of what the day would bring. School had been cancelled for the past year. Many of the families had escaped ground zero long before the war ended. Now with everything returning to normal the education system had begun to reconstruct itself in preparation for new students who would move back into Japan. Asuka didn't mind the hiatus, she rather enjoyed her new found time.

"Have you heard anything about Rei?" asked Shinji as he tossed on an apron.

Asuka nodded, "Misato said the other day she went to go see the country. I'm not surprised. She was always piloting the Eva might as well see what's out there,"

On the contrary, Asuka always saw Rei as a threat and her absence only let her have free reign as the dominate female in Shinji's life. She thought for a moment, for some reason that thought didn't sound as good as she wanted it.

"What do you want to eat? We don't have much, Misato hasn't gone grocery shopping in a while,"

Asuka tossed her feet onto the table, "Figures. She's always going into Nerv in the mornings and partying at night. Well, she leaves us alone. So it's not too bad,"

"Sounds like her alright, how about some soup?" he called from the kitchen.

Asuka grunted, her way of showing agreement.

They decided to take a walk that morning. Asuka couldn't keep track of how many times they had done that. It always seemed like the right thing to do but as to why was another reason entirely. The sun was just over the mountains covering everything in a bright orange hue. Asuka loved these mornings where there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. It felt so alive and she couldn't hide the smile that now found a comfortable home on her lips. Usually there wasn't many people out in the streets but that morning there were a few exploring the new frontier. They made their way down a new route that morning just to see where it would take them.

They walked hand in hand saying almost nothing but basking in each other's presence. They took in the sights and occasionally stopped at benches to rest but they had no intention of walking back anytime soon. Eventually they found themselves in the countryside. Winding stone steps headed to the peak of the mountainside. Rolling hills of green grass surrounded them ripples of wind brushing in careful strokes. They sat at a stone bench and rested. Shinji lowered his bag from his shoulder and pulled out two small food boxes. He handed one to her and one for himself. They ate quietly taking in the scenery but as they did they spotted an older woman surrounded with several younger children. They headed down the trail and passed by them. A small boy looked up at Shinji.

"Hey, I saw you on the news a while ago. You're an Evan…Evange…"

"He's one of the Evangelion pilots," said his mother finishing his sentence.

The boy's sister looked then at Asuka, "You too. You're an Eva pilot too aren't you? You saved the world!"

Asuka smiled, "Yep, that's me. It was really me doing all the work though, this slacker over here just sat on his behind all the time."

The girl's eyes widened with interest, "Really? Wow, you're amazing,"

"I've been saying that for years,"

Their mother smiled and patted them on the head, "Come along now, I'm sure they need time to relax," She looked then at Shinji then at Asuka, "Thank you for all you've done."

"My pleasure, ma'am," said Shinji. The woman smiled.

"Such manners on you," she said. She carried a sling full of baked bread and handed a large loaf to Shinji, "Please take this as thanks. You've done so much for the people of the world and I'm sorry I don't have much else to offer."

Shinji accepted it graciously and the woman smiled. The young girl came up closer to Asuka and whispered, "Are you gonna get married?"

Shinji heard the comment and sat frozen leaving Asuka to respond, "I don't know. What do you think?

The girl looked at Shinji with her large brown eyes and then back at Asuka, "He's weird,"

"Tell me about it,"

The woman beckoned her child and they continued their hike down the trail turning by a tree and vanishing from sight. Asuka turned to Shinji who seemed to be choking on his own saliva.

"What's with the face? Did you think you were just going to be my boyfriend forever?" she said. Shinji stared at her with absolutely no way to combat that notion. She shrugged, "I thought as much,"

After they finished their meal they headed up the stone steps into an isolated part of the forest. Shinji led her through a maze of trees until they came up on a ledge overlooking the city.

"So is there where you used to run off to?" said Asuka.

"Yeah, I thought you might like to see it," he whispered. She looked over the city. Much of it was in ruins and reminded her of pictures of ancient civilizations. Several buildings sat at awkward angles, power lines tangled in unrecognizable patches of black. Little life was evident but it was there. The human will was something of a marvel. She saw Shinji plop himself onto the ground and she in turn sat beside him.

"Shinji, how long have we been going out?" she asked him.

He sat quiet for a moment before saying, "It's gonna be two years soon. We were fourteen when everything ended. I just turned sixteen so I'm guessing about two years,"

"It's funny, doesn't seem that long. It could be that almost nothing has been rebuilt here. It's like time has forsaken this place,"

"I don't think they should change it,"

"Why's that?"

She sighed, "It's a good reminder of what could have happened. Ground zero of the Third Impact could have been here."

"I guess your right,"

"I know I'm right,"

He lied himself on his back and closed his eyes. She watched him, two years already? She spent nearly every waking moment with him without thinking about it. They grew up together and more importantly their love grew up. Gone were the days of feeble dreams of boyfriend and girlfriend. What they had was something more. Something she couldn't even begin to describe. He didn't look any different. He still seemed like that pathetic boy she met several years ago but something was different. His hair was a little longer, no that couldn't be it. He was a little taller than her now, no that couldn't be it either. What was it?

She leaned over him and kissed him taking his lower lip between her teeth and pinched it ever so slightly. Oh yes, it was because she could do that now. Passion was the name of the game now and it seemed like everyday they would find something new to explore about themselves. No rules, no restrain. It was what they wanted it to be. Nothing more, nothing less. He kissed her back smiling through it. They continued now making it a contest to see who can get more aggressive. A game she loved to play because she would always win. She kissed his neck taking in his boyish scent which for some reason drew her in like a moth to the flame. They were about a mile from the deserted trail so the thought of getting caught meant almost nothing. For some reason she thought allowing herself to be this vulnerable would just add to her hatred for weakness but it was different in practice. She didn't feel like she was being vulnerable. It felt only natural and it only teased the hidden needs she herself couldn't quite understand. She just allowed herself to give in to her secret wants and he too found his niche in this endeavor.

She laid on him caressing his black hair with her hand while keeping her lips only inches from his. They talked about nothing but that's the way she liked it. She no longer needed a reason to talk to him it was only whatever that entered her mind.

"Shinji?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't hate me, right?"

He smiled, "Why would I hate you?"

"For the way I used to treat you? I just didn't know how to handle it before. I always thought you were a threat. I always thought you were trying to be better than me, piloting the Eva's and all,"

He shook his head, "No, I was scared too,"

"Then I'll tell you something," she said.

"What's that?"

"No matter what I call you or say to you I don't want you to ever think I hate you,"

"Trust me, I'm well ahead of you,"

"Idiot,"

"So if you don't hate me how do you feel about me then?" he said with a tone of mischief in his voice.

She smiled, "Always trying to kill the mood. God, can't you just keep it simple?"

"I'm always gonna end up asking you. Might as well come out with it,"

"You don't ask a woman about these things. It's not right,"

"Oh come on, how do you feel about me? We've been dating for nearly two years. It's not like anything between us is really secret anymore. Especially after last night,"

Now it was her turn to blush as she playfully punched his stomach, "You idiot,"

"Well, I can tell you right now I'm a little past 'liking' you,"

"Oh, really?" she said lifting herself up by her elbows and looking down at him, "Are you gonna confess your undying love to me?"

He looked away, his cheeks reddening, "I didn't say that,"

She frowned, "Lame as always,"

They laid there in the grass for hours with the occasional kiss sprinkled about. It wasn't any sooner she drifted to sleep only to have him whisper to her, "You think Misato left any of her beers in the fridge?"

Without opening her eyes she said, "Wouldn't put it past her,"

The next morning Misato opened the door to Shinji's room shielding her eyes from the potential embarrassment that could be had. To her relief the two of them were fast asleep huddled together with arms embracing. Her eyes then came onto several empty beer cans sitting at the head of the bed. Her eye twitched, so that's where her beer was disappearing to. She sighed as she purposely slammed the door open sending both teenagers shrieking in terror. Despite Asuka still being under the fog of slumber she realized she wasn't wearing a shirt and immediately snatched the sheets to shield herself.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" screamed Asuka. Shinji sat dumbfounded unable to say anything. Misato leaned against the doorway, arms folded and a smug expression on her face.

"So, what have you guys been up to?" she said.

Asuka and Shinji stared at one another for a moment unable to come up with an explanation. Finally Asuka crossed her arms and turned away, "Well, if you must know…"

Misato laughed, "Save it. I already know what you teenagers do at this age. Nothing to worry about. In any event, I need you two to come with me to Nerv,"

Asuka shot the woman a scowl, "What for? We haven't been back there for nearly two years. What would they need us for?"

"Well I asked the same thing. Apparently Nerv HQ still finds the Eva's valuable weapons. They want to see if you guys can still hold a sync with them. Just in case anything else crazy happens around here. They would still need pilots. Don't worry, I'm pretty sure it will be an in and out type of deal,"

Oh, trust me, thought Asuka, I'm pretty adept about the whole "in and out" thing. She smiled at her own mind.

"So let's go, get dressed," said Misato, "And Shinji?"

"Yeah?' he muttered.

"Do yourself and favor and change the sheets. From one adult to another," she said with a smile.

Asuka turned her head slowly to him, "Are you telling me that you don't?"


	7. Together

Remember Me

**Chapter Seven (Together)**

**Author's Note: Thank you all for your reviews. They mean a lot knowing the emotion I'm trying to portray is being felt. To be honest it's VERY painful writing this. I never thought putting words onto paper (digital paper) would cause such an impact on myself. I couldn't imagine going through what Asuka's going through. As for a happy ending... well, that's something I'm not sure about. It can go either way. I hope it ends well but there's no telling what could happen. The story will just have to run its course. For better or for worse. Enjoy, my friends. **

Asuka tossed her head back resting it against the padded cockpit that was her Eva. It was nice sitting inside it again. It was like visiting a distant friend after so many years. The controls beeped and appeared in front of her face in a magical fashion. Weapon systems on, synchronization charts were up, vitals were good. Just like the war. She had to admit she almost panicked when the LCL began to flood the cabin but her pilot attitude quickly took over silencing her fears. From the cockpit window she could see Eva Unit 1 across from her on the other side of the hangar. She could barely see Shinji but she knew he was there looking right back at her. She listened to the Engineers read off instructions to them and she followed. She concentrated feeling the resonating she developed with Unit 2.

"Alright Asuka, see if you can send messages to the limbs. Just to see if they still respond," said a voice over the communications. Asuka obeyed and sent her mind to the limbs where she felt a sudden weight hover over her head. The Eva's arms twitched.

"Good, now you Shinji,"

Asuka looked through the visor and saw Unit 1's arms repeat the action. They had been at it for nearly four hours. Asuka mumbled a curse under her breath. Misato said it would be a quick procedure. Figures her assumption was wrong, she thought. She waited for her turn for another set of commands hoping it would be the last.

"Hmm, we are getting abnormal readings here," said an Engineer, "Shinji, could you do that again?"

Asuka watched as his Eva made the subtle movements but wasn't prepared for the sudden glow of the Eva's eyes. She found herself leaning forward, her mind couldn't come up with a reason for that eerie stare.

Then the engineers said something that made her stomach suddenly twist into a knot, "There's a problem?"

Asuka couldn't hold, "What's going on?"

"We're not sure, the Eva is sending in readings that are off the charts,"

Suddenly Eva unit 1's jaw began to open its eyes glowing a menacing red.

"Shut it down!" called Misato, "Shinji are you alright? What's going on?"

"I don't know, I lost synch. It's not responding to my commands,"

"Shut it down!" yelled Misato to the engineers.

"We're trying its locking us out!"

"Eject the plug," snapped Misato her voice becoming distressed, "Eject it!"

Asuka suddenly felt the cockpit become warmer and warmer to the point where the LCL began to bubble. She tried to find the source of the heat but her eyes were met with nothing but controls. Then she heard a low shriek enter the hangar. Eva unit 1 looked the same as it did causing her to realize the sound was coming from her own Eva.

"Unit 2 is doing the same. The charts keep coming in abnormal,"

"Get her out of there now when there's still time," said Misato.

Asuka could hear the suction of the plug begin to dissipate signaling the plug was close to ejecting but suddenly everything stopped.

"Unit 2 has locked us out, commander,"

"What the hell is going on?" said Misato.

Unit 1 tore through its restrains bellowing a hideous roar. It tore through the bridge connecting the command center and the hangar and continued to bellow sending echoes of animalistic screams throughout.

"Shinji!" called Asuka. She tapped her controls to summon a video screen but all that came up was static. She then tried to eject herself using the manual override but nothing happened. She cursed over and over again slamming her fist against the control handles. This couldn't be happening, she thought. This couldn't be happening .This was a dream, wake up, wake up.

"Asuka!"

She looked up and shrieked in fear. Unit 1 darted towards her, its massive hands rocketing towards her. She knew she wasn't going to be able to dodge it but her hands instinctively snapped to the controls where she pushed and pulled in hopes her fears weren't true.

She was dead wrong.

Shinji's Eva began to strangle her own. Asuka could feel her throat tighten with an ungodly force forcing her to gasp and struggle for breath. The cockpit began to fill with a hue of red, the taste of copper filled her mouth. It was killing her.

"ANGEL! Unit 1 is sending the same charts as an Angel!"

"No.."

Asuka scratched at the invisible hands around her throat trying desperately to loosen the death grip it had on her. Her vision began to darken and she could feel her lungs burn from the lack of oxygen. So this was it? This was how she was going to die? By the hand of the one she loved?

No.

There was no chance in hell that would happen.

"Shinji…" she mouthed.

Suddenly Unit 2 sent a devastating kick towards Unit 1's body sending it crashing to the opposite side of the hangar. Unit 2's eyes glowed as it tore the restrains off itself. Asuka's head hung down her chest rising and falling in rapid succession. She lifted her head her eyes staring with complete rage through the bangs of her red hair.

"You can't have him," she breathed, "he's mine."

Unit 1 freed itself from the tangled mess of steel and stood, a massive halo manifesting above its crown. Asuka unlatched her Eva's knife presenting it in her old fashioned fighting stance.

"I will take him back, nothing will stop me. You hear me? He belongs to me. HE"S MINE!"

Her Eva erupted from her side of the hangar rampaging with frightening speed towards Unit 1. She pounced holding the knife squarely in her palm making a dive towards it. Unit 1 lifted its legs and shielded itself from the blow. She struggled to gain the upper hand summoning the inner hate and rage that once encompassed her philosophy of war.

"Asuka, the core is the plug!" yelled one of the engineers.

Her eyes widened, "What?"

Unit 1 saw the opening and laid a powerful blow across her Eva's jaw. She recoiled staggering backward allowing Unit 1 to lunge for its own attack. It pinned her Eva to the ground and began to relentless pound its fists into its throat. Asuka felt her throat flatten with each blow blood now rocketing from her lips in massive torrents. Her body began to go limp and her eyes were now rolling into the back of her skull. Her once unwavering strength was now gone. She couldn't fathom killing him, she couldn't do it. Finally Unit 1 ceased its onslaught and hovered its terrifying face close to her own. Opening its jaw an orb of light manifested sucking in energy preparing for a final blow. Asuka watched with fear as the orb's light grew in strength causing the hangar to get dangerously dark.

"Don't hate me," she whispered.

Unit 1 hunched back preparing to launch the attack but the Eva suddenly stopped. Asuka's arm stretched out before her with the invisible knife in hand. Her Eva mimicked the action. Blood from Unit 1's abdomen poured over the knife covering it a deep red. Asuka could feel the familiar burn in her eyes as her vision became shrouded with darkness.

* * *

><p>Echoing. Sounds she couldn't distinguish sounded as if they were lost in the darkness. People talking, people arguing. A line of lights filled her vision as they passed by her one by one. Then she could feel her head rocking gently from side to side. Something was over her mouth and nose but she couldn't get if off. Her arms were strapped. She knew her body was raging in pain but she was numb to it all. Her eyes became heavy once again as she slipped into the realm of unconsciousness.<p>

She could hear the sound of something beeping beside her. Her eyes lazily slid open and met the square tiles of a while ceiling. Where was she? From the bottom of her eyes she could make out a breathing mask tied tightly around her face. Lifting her head slightly she noted a white sheep draped over herself. Her head then tilted to the side where the beeping machine sat. Behind it she could make out another bed. She instantly recognized Shinji lying beside her, his eyes closed. A longing sense of fear almost made it to her mind but was quelled when she noticed his chest rising and falling with ease.

The Eva's she remembered. What had happened?

She feebly lifted her arm feeling the restraints of the medical tubes as she slid the breathing mask from her face and down her chin. She attempted to sit up but her neck throbbed with pain. She held her breath as she forced herself to sit up ignoring the blistering pain the best she could. She used her arms to hoist her body into a sitting position and once she accomplished it began to slowly pull away at the needles that embedded her arm. Once all of the medical equipment was off she shimmied her way to the edge of the hospital bed letting her feet dangle. Her throat hurt like hell but she ignored it letting her head fall forward to relieve the tension. Feeling her muscles regain some strength her eyes found themselves to her bed's nightstand where a vase of flowers sat. A small white card hugging the side. She squinted and recognized the name on it: Misato.

Using her arms she lowered herself off the bed, the bottoms of her bare feet touching the icy cold floor sending chills up her spine. Her legs trembled and she soon began to regret the decision to attempt to stand. She pushed forward staggering to her feet. Her arms outstretched attempting to find anything to support herself with but were only met with air. She stumbled forward, her knees buckling and slamming hard against the floor. She gasped in pain but bit her lip not allowing a single sound to escape. It wasn't because she did not want to make any noise but she knew the pain from her throat would be a lot worse than her knees. Gripping the edge of her bed she managed to stand. How long had she been asleep?

She made her way to Shinji who slept soundly unaware of her presence. She sat herself next to him her eyes searching. She peeled away the white sheet and lifted his hospital gown up towards his stomach. She cupped her mouth but not before almost shrieking in terror.

A massive wound disfigured his side, large disgusting stitches protruding from his skin. He almost resembled what a rag doll looked like after years of wear and tear. She immediately covered it and shut her eyes. She had done that to him. She caused this.

"Shinji," she whispered hoarsely, "I'm sorry…"

She took his hand and held it tightly in hers. She pressed his palm into her cheek and forced a smile.

"You know, you're the only one that could ever do this to me," she said softly, "I feel different when I'm with you. I feel like I belong. I know I say things but I never mean them. I'm always scared if you can believe that,"

The boy said nothing as he slept. Asuka nuzzled her face into his palm, "Who would have ever thought I would feel this way for someone else. I thought I was the most important person I could ever love. I never saw it in you but… I know now you had everything I ever wanted. Shinji, I will never leave you. Please don't laugh at me. I know it's crazy hearing all this from me but people change. You changed me for the better and I thank you. But you know me, I hate being in debt to someone. So, I promise to protect you. Now and always. So, when you get better I swear I won't ever say another awful thing to you again. I want to start from scratch but this time I don't want to be Asuka Langley…"

She laced her fingers with his keeping her blue eyes on him.

"I will be Asuka Ikari. And I will always be by your side…"

She closed her eyes and tilted her head forward placing the back of his hand on her forehead.

"Whether you like it or not,"


	8. Illusions

Remember Me

**Chapter Eight (Illusions)**

**Author's Note: As many of you might have noticed I took down the original chapter eight. I originally had a longer plot, however, the formation of it wasn't to my standards. I didn't feel right writing it and I should have listened to my instincts. Bringing in a new character is always a risk when writing a fanfiction and I was hoping it would translate well. However, it didn't. I went back to my notes and cut a large but unnecessary part of the plot which would only add filler. I deeply apologize. The original chapter was sub-par and didn't live up to my standards. My audience deserves a high quality piece and I will strive at nothing to produce them for your enjoyment. A good story should always entertain and if I fail to deliver then I failed as an author. I reworked the chapter blending in the plot at two similar points. I assure you the things I deemed necessary to cut where NOT of immense importance. I stayed up all night redoing it. I hope this makes up for my error in judgment. Now without further interruption. I present to you my author's cut of Chapter Eight. Now entitled "Illusions". **

** Enigma-  
><strong>

Asuka said nothing as she stared out the window. She didn't feel the need to go to therapy it only brought her face to face with a scarring past. She sat with her leg over her lap, her head resting in the palm of her hand. She could tell the therapist was beginning to lose patience with her. Good, she thought, maybe she would see that she was getting nowhere with her. The therapist sighed as she peeled off her glasses rubbing the bridge of her nose.

"Asuka, I know you don't want to be here but why don't you just humor me and at least try to let me help you," she said.

Asuka scoffed not lifting her gaze, "Have you ever lost someone?"

The woman sighed once more, "Yes, my son."

"Is your husband dead?" Asuka questioned.

"No, no. He's well but I think the loss of my son would suffice your question,"

Asuka shook her head, "That's why you can't understand me,"

"What do you mean?"

"The fact that you only lost your son means nothing to me. I obviously don't have kids so for me to understand the loss of a child would mean nothing. If you lost your husband then maybe we can talk but for you to try to understand me and what I'm going through is ridiculous. You have no idea of the shit I've been though…"

"No need to use that type of language, Asuka. I was only trying to…"

Asuka slammed her fists onto her desk causing the woman to flinch, "No, you will not try anything. How would you feel if you boy you trained with, slept with, fought with… was suddenly gone from your life before you even knew it? We spent every waking moment together and not by choice. We were fighting a war, to save you all so you can sit here and pretend to help me. I fell in love with him and helped me grow up. You couldn't even imagine the pain I had gone through for him. You can't imagine, even fathom, the pain I had to endure. People like you would blow their brains out being put in a situation like that. I'm still here. And I'm only here because I swore to him I would never do anything mean to him again. I will not betray him. I will not taint his death by following up on my own. So… to sum things up. I made a lot more progress alone than you can ever provide,"

The woman stared at her. The look in her eyes signaling she was taking in Asuka's words. Asuka pulled away but stood with her head hanging feeling, she too felt the potency of what she had said. The woman straightened herself placing her interwoven hands on the desk. She cleared her throat, "I'll let Misato know you have completed your sessions and you are free to go,"

Asuka grabbed her bag and headed for the door but stopped. She turned to the woman, "Listen, I'm…"

The woman shook her head and made a shooing gesture, "Please, Asuka. You may go,"

Asuka nodded and left the room.

She walked home that afternoon. For the first time in a while her mind's voice was suddenly quiet. It was as if something fell dormant but she came to ignore it. She wanted to sleep despite knowing the potential agony she could face. She continued in thought but snapped from her state when the sound of her shoes clicking against the pavement suddenly overtook her. She came to a stop and scanned the area. She knew barely anyone would venture out on the street, however, the silence that came was eerily deafening. Nothing made a sound. There was no wind, no birds, no cars.

Something was off.

She took a step but nothing could prepare her for what came next. Her chest exploded in pain sending her body into a chaotic spasm. Her vision of the streets and buildings now replaced with sharp red lines invading her eyesight. Everything went red and the pain continued to pulse and throb within her body. Her legs locked rocking her off balance sending her crashing to the hard ground. She felt the back of her head collide fiercely with the cement, something hot and sticky slithered down her neck. The pain did not let up as she convulsed violently her brain unable to find a cause nor a solution. Everything went suddenly white. The sound of people shouting and yelling filled her mind. She saw the same lights from her dream. White orbs passing by her from light to dark… light to dark. She felt something cold touch her chest.

"Clear!" someone yelled off into the distance.

She couldn't breathe. She tried to gasp for breath but her body outright refused.

The voices echoed, "We are losing her! For God's sake we are losing her! Nurse, get the operating room ready! We are going right to surgery!"

"Her heart stopped again, sir!"

"What are you waiting for? Ready the deliberator again! Now!"

Was this another dream?

Shouts of anger and frustration erupted but Asuka could only feel herself slipping in and out of blackness. Her body hurt but it began to numb. Then there was silence.

Her eyes steadily lifted, heavy and sore. She stared up at the white tiles of the ceiling blinking, trying to understand what had just happened. She felt something strapped to her face. Her eyes slipped down. A breathing mask? White sheets? Her head turned tenderly to the side.

A vase sat on the nightstand. A white card hugging its side.

Misato.

Her eyes widened. What the hell?

She tore off the mask but not before screaming in pain from the countless needles that embedded her forearms. She tore them off, blood dripping from the puncture wounds. Her body screamed at her to stop but her mind was already racing with increasing speed. She swung her feet from the bed. She had this dream before, she thought, I've had this same dream. She pushed herself off the bed stomping her bare feet onto the hard floor. She staggered but this time she gripped the bed knowing very well what would happen if she didn't. She then made her way to Shinji who slept soundly. She lowered his sheet and lifted his gown. The wound was still there but it looked significantly better. No, she thought, this wasn't the same dream. It didn't look as good as this. Her heart began to race as her mind could not compute the events unfolding.

"What's going on?" she breathed, "what the hell is going on?"

The next thing she knew she bashed her way through the door of the room her body hitting the wall across the new surrounding hallway. Her eyes lifted to the bright fluorescent lights. The lights, she remembered, from the dream. Was she carried down this hall on a stretcher? Her mind panicked as she clumsily ran down the hall, her legs slowly but surely regaining strength. Her lungs constricted, nothing was familiar. Everything seemed alien.

She scurried down the hall, "Wake up, wake up, wake up,"

Suddenly a man in a long white coat came from the room down the hall. Asuka came to a stop but not before the man noticed her.

"Nurse! Nurse, she's awake again!" he called out. Asuka spun around and head the opposite direction but was met with two women who held their arms out to surround her. She tore through them racing to find an exit.

"Don't let her leave!" someone shouted behind her. She spotted a second hallway and made her towards it lifting her legs higher to gain speed. She treaded the corner but something caught her ankles. She fell head first onto the floor her head hitting squarely against the hard surface. She yelled in pain but scrambled to her feet. She was now only several feet away from the elevator. She tried to use her legs to lift herself but her ankles were wrapped tightly around something. She peered over her shoulder and saw a burly man hugging her legs preventing any moment. Her body ached but that didn't stop her. She began to swing her fist fiercely at his head pounding on his crown with unrelenting force.

"Get off me!" she screamed.

The elevator doors opened revealing several other men who immediately came to her captor's aide. She frantically fought off her invaders swinging and landing blows with increased tenacity.

"Don't hurt her!" someone shouted, "She's delirious, she doesn't know what's real! Someone sedate her!"

She spotted a nurse carrying a large syringe. Asuka writhed and screamed but the men pinned her limbs down, "This isn't real!"

"She has to go back under, she's not ready yet!"

The nurse lowered the syringe to her neck and gently pricked her forcing the plunger down. Asuka's frantic thrashing soon subsided. Her eyes became heavy and her vision now a waning screen of black.

The alarm buzzed in the darkness. Asuka wearily fumbled for the small electronic hoping to silence it. Without opening her eyes her long fingers tapped the button plunging her into deafening silence. She nuzzled her face into her pillow and attempted to drift back into sleep.

Then it hit her.

Her eyes flicked open and she immediately sat herself up. She quickly shot a glance around the room taking it all in. She wanted to believe it was a dream. It had to be. She got to her feet and ran into her bathroom. She peered into the mirror examining herself. She pinched her skin, nothing. She gave herself several taps on the cheek but it didn't phase her. She leaned over the skin as she laced her fingers through her hair and down the side of her face. Her heart stopped when her fingertips felt a slight indent on her neck. She peered back into the mirror. She took her long hair into a fist and pulled it aside exposing a small dark wound. Her legs began to move backward away from the mirror.

No, she thought, this wasn't real. She was imagining it.

Her back hit the wall instinctively catching herself but felt her forearms were unusually sore. She lifted them and shrieked. Small dark bruises littered her forearms as if she had been repeatedly been pricked with needles. She sprinted into her living room. Her heart raging from within her chest. She tore the stack of boxes down ripping clothes and items from the depths. She cursed.

"The tape," she said, "The tape is gone,"

She made one last attempt to find it in the sea of boxes but came up empty. She darted into her room and grabbed her phone which sat at her bed. She flipped the cover and began to dial a number. She exited the room lifting the phone to her ear. She reentered the living room but came to an abrupt halt. Her eyes widened and she felt the rise of a scream begin to travel up her throat. She dropped her phone sending it crashing to the floor in broken pieces.

The boxes were replaced.

Stacked in the same maze like formation they began.


	9. Breaking Point

Remember Me

**Chapter Nine (Breaking Point)**

Asuka's fingers trembled as they gripped the sides of her glass. She sat alone in a booth at a nearby coffee shop. Her eyes would study the area feverishly wondering if what she was seeing was real. That dream, she thought, it was not only too real not to be a dream but she felt at that present moment she was already in a dream. She had thought she was imagining it but now she felt she was on the threshold of insanity. She heard hurried footsteps behind her but didn't bother to turn. She knew who is was but didn't want to reveal too soon the worry in her eyes.

"I came as soon as I heard. Are you okay?" Hikari voiced as she sat before her.

Asuka shook her head slowly, "I don't know. I don't know what's going on,"

Asuka told her story citing she couldn't remember the events that happened between her time from leaving her therapist office to falling asleep in her apartment. It was as if the time wasn't accounted for. Hikari sat and listened with great interest but her ears only perked when Asuka mentioned the missing cassette tape.

"You must have replaced it," she said.

Asuka sighed, "That's the thing. I left it in the cassette player which was next to one of my boxes. I haven't moved it,"

"Asuka, I think you just need some rest. How's your therapy going?" she asked.

Asuka shot her a hostile look, "You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

Hikari raised her hands defensively, "No, not at all. I just think you might be stressed,"

Suddenly Asuka heard a faint beeping. She looked over her shoulder and then towards the ends of the shop trying to locate the source, however, the sound revealed nothing.

Hikari noticed, "Asuka, what's wrong?"

"Don't you hear that?" question Asuka.

Hikari shook her head. Asuka stood from the table staring suspiciously toward the shop door. She walked casually towards the exit keeping her eyes fixated at the exterior. She cautiously opened the front door and proceeded outside where the beeping only grew louder. Hikari followed suit appearing behind the red head looking confused but knew to say nothing.

Then Asuka heard a distant echo, she couldn't decipher the characteristics of them but once she closed her eyes the echoes became clear.

"She's….doing….well…" a ghostly voice resonated.

"Asuka?" whispered Hikari.

Asuka hushed her as she continued to listen, eyes shut. Her legs began to continue forward as if she were in a trance. Hikari stared unknowing as to what was happening. Asuka drifted farther and farther away finally meeting the street curb. Hikari's eyes widened as her head turned spotting a car fast approaching. Her dark eyes then resumed on Asuka who took a step off the curb and onto the blacktop which now seemed nothing more than a gateway to death's door. Asuka could feel the echoes getting louder with every step. She was so close to hearing the echoes clearly, the echoes intensified. What was it? Something was drawing her and she found no reason to relent. Hikari felt as if time had slowed, her breathing became shallow as her own heartbeat began to thud heavily in her ears. She had to save Asuka.

"Asuka!" Hikari shouted.

Almost there, Asuka told herself, I can almost make it out.

"Asuka, snap out of it!" Hikari yelled now beginning to reach out to her.

Asuka's eyes slowly lifted and once her vision came into focus she was staring face to face with several others. It was like she was transported somewhere else. Was she imagining this or was this real? Four men in white coats stood over her all staring at her with eager eyes.

"Asuka? Can you hear us?" she heard one of them say in a dream like tone.

She wanted to speak but suddenly her throat was unable to produce sound. Somehow the four men understood she couldn't speak and said, "If you can hear us please move your fingers,"

She wanted to move her entire body but was slightly disappointed that it chose not to respond. She summoned all her bran power to send a message to her fingertips and after a moment of silence she managed to twitch her index finger. The men smiled and one of them exhaled with relief. They all then turned to look at someone but Asuka couldn't turn her head to see. One of the men gestured to someone and finally the mystery person came into her filed of view.

It was Shinji.

Asuka felt her heart was chained and was now frantically trying to break free. It was him. This was nothing like what she imagined. That was really him smiling down at her. She wanted to get up and hug him, to kiss him, to tell him everything that she had gone through and more. She wanted nothing more than to dwell in his arms and feel his embrace one more time. She was on the verge of tears and felt one roll down her cheek. Her vision was blurry now but she knew he was teary eyed too.

Then she felt someone tighten around her waist. She fought it but the grip around her only intensified. She gained tunnel vision, the border around her field of vision became black and distorted. She felt as if she was tugged, being pulled back into the darkness. She resisted but knew the fight was a losing battle.

"She's losing consciousness, she's falling back under…" she heard someone say. No, she screamed at herself, don't let it end. Not yet.

She blinked and the next thing she knew she was lying face up on the sidewalk just outside the coffee shop. Hikari was over her panting with fright. Asuka's eyes wearily drifted around her finally coming to the realization that she was surrounded by others. She sat herself up noting a dark gray car parked just off the curb, the door open, a man leaning over the side lowering his sunglasses as he peered down at her.

"What was that about, lady? You trying to off yourself?" he asked.

Hikari turned angrily at him, "Maybe you shouldn't have been on your phone,"

The man looked at her and repaid the angry scowl, "Hey, it's not my fault that your friend decided to walk into the middle of the street with her eyes shut,"

There was a mixture of agreement and disapproval within the crowd but Asuka was in no mood to care. She tried to stand but her legs felt weak but knowing she was stared at like a side show made her force the numbness away. She pushed past the crowd and made her way down the street with Hikari bringing up the rear.

"Asuka? What the hell was that about? I know you were depressed but I didn't know you had a death wish,"

"Shut up," Asuka shot back. She wanted to think about what she had just seen and not be burdened by her friend's constant ranting.

"At least tell me where you're going," pleaded Hikari as she turned back towards the clearing crowd.

"What does it matter?" said Asuka.

"Because I'm coming with you," replied Hikari.

"Like hell you are!"

Hikari cut Asuka off standing in front of her with a determined look in her eyes, "No, you called me here. You need me. I'll be damned if you just brush me off again. I'm coming with you. I don't want something like this to happen again. For God's sake, Asuka. I lost one friend already, I don't want to lose you too,"

Asuka was taken aback by the young woman's boldness, it was unlike her but she secretly respected it seeing it as the only way to actually bring some sense into her mind. She nodded and Hikari smiled which quickly evaporated as they began to walk. They didn't speak for the rest of the walk back to Asuka's apartment but something told her it was for the better. No need to place herself into another argument when she had such a commotion already brewing in her head.

* * *

><p>Asuka tossed her keys onto the floor as she entered her apartment letting Hikari shut the door behind them. Hikari was immediately stunned by the looks of it all. The apartment was dark, things sat around as if the entire apartment had been flipped upside down. The smell of something foul hit her more than anything. It was a cross between dirty laundry and bitter alcohol. The only thing that seemed somewhat orderly where the countless boxes stacked in her living room but that wasn't saying much.<p>

She watched as Asuka made a beeline to the kitchen where she heard the refrigerator open and slam shot followed by Asuka's voice, "Get in here,"

Hikari obeyed and upon entering the kitchen she saw Asuka perched on the counter, a bottle filled with a dark liquid clutched tightly in her hands. She watched as Asuka uncapped the bottle and brought the opening to her lips taking a massive gulp from it. A tiny bead of the liquid raced down her chin, "Want any?"

Hikari said nothing but held out her hands taking the drink. She stared at it for a moment before lifting it cautiously to her own lips and taking a sip. She coughed as she fanned her mouth almost bending over the sink.

Asuka watched almost amused, "Geez, don't you ever drink?"

Hikari shook her head slowly as she spit uncontrollably into the sink, "I've had wine a couple times but that stuff taste like fire,"

Asuka shrugged as her eyes went down to her hands, "I don't know what's wrong with me,"

"What do you mean?" asked Hikari as she flipped the faucet on bending her neck to drink.

"I've told you about the things I'm seeing but they're becoming more real. Sometimes I wake up and I'm not even sure if I just woke up from a dream or I'm falling back into one,"

Hikari wiped her mouth, "Well, I can tell you right now. You're not dreaming. I'm as real as they come,"

Asuka nodded, "I figured you'd say that,"

"I mean, come on Asuka. You've been through a lot in your life. I've known you for nearly seven years. I've seen what you have gone through. It's only naturally you would be tired of it all. I'm just glad you still have the right of mind to cope with it all. If the world was in a better state I would say take a vacation but I know you need to sort out your head,"

Hikari tried to smile but it quickly died when she saw Asuka's lower lip quiver. Before she could say a word Asuka buried her face in her hands and let out a small sob in despair.

"Oh, Asuka. I'm sorry," she said as she approached her friend's side.

"I just miss him so much," she said in an anguished sob, "I just want him back, Hikari. I don't want to miss him this much. I don't like feeling like this all the damn time but I can't help it,"

Hikari hugged her letting Asuka's head rest on her shoulder as she stroked her hair, "I know, I know. I can't imagine how much it really hurts you,"

"I hear him everywhere. I see him everywhere. He won't leave me alone and what's worse my heart just refuses to continue on without him. I'm going crazy and it's all because of that stupid Shinji,"

Hikari hushed her, "Don't say that. You're just upset and you have every right to be. That's why I wanted to come here with you because I know you need to talk to someone,"

Asuka pulled away as she frantically wiped her tears from her eyes exposing her red face, "You'd better not ever bring this up again. You hear me? Never bring this conversation up to me, better yet, never tell anyone about this,"

Hikari understood. Despite being on the fringes of utter despair it was so like her to still maintain that fiery spirit within her. It was something Hikari knew was her greatest strength but a terrible curse that prevented her from getting too close to a person. How ironic that it was this very pain she felt was the cause of bypassing that curse.

"I understand, Asuka. I won't say a word," she said.

"Good, it's bad enough I'm a complete drunk like that woman, Misato. It's even worse that I'm completely… scared… of falling asleep,"

"Afraid you might go back into that dream paradox you were talking about?" she asked.

Asuka simply nodded, "Wanna hear something really crazy?"

"Crazier than what you're already told me?" replied Hikari.

The red head gave her friend a bland look, "I was looking for the tape this morning. I went through all my boxes and I haven't found it anywhere. I left the room to call you but when I went back in there all the boxes were back in their stacks as if I hadn't touched them?"

"Well, you said you just got up. Maybe you were just in a haze and didn't realize when you put them back,"

Asuka sighed, "I doubt it,"

Asuka stood at her apartment doorway leaning against the frame as she said goodbye to Hikari. Her friend looked at her with concern, "Are you sure you'll be alright for the night? I can stay if you need me to. I don't mind,"

Asuka shook her head, "You got class in the morning. You don't have to be worried I'm fine. You were right, all I needed was to talk to someone for a little while,"

"Yeah, we did talk for a good while. Still, I'm worried," she said.

Asuka flicked her hand, "Don't be. I'll be fine. In any event I need to sleep. I don't want to but there's no way getting around it. I'll see you tomorrow,"

"I'll stop by in the morning on my way to class," said Hikari with a cautious glare, "I'll bring you something to eat. All you have in the fridge is booze and I think you need more than that. I can see you lost a lot of weight,"

Asuka couldn't help but smile, "Fine, you win."

They said their goodbyes again and Asuka shut the door behind her. She inched way to her living room staring nervously at the stack of boxes. I know it's somewhere around here. It has to be. That tape simply couldn't have vanished, then again, stranger things had happened to her in the past weeks. She rubbed her eyes and retreated into the bathroom. She hovered over the sink and turned the faucet on allowing the water to run. She leaned up against it hanging her head down only to rise it slowly to the mirror. She wasn't insane, this wasn't real. She cupped her hands pooling the water within her palms and brought it to her face where she doused herself. She did this over and over hoping that vision she had earlier would return. After a few minutes she realized she came no closer to her goal. She then lowered the stopper to the drain letting the sink to fill with water instead. Once it reached the brim she dunked her head into the cold pool.

She waited until she ran low of air but instead of surfacing she continued to stay under. Her lungs began to hurt but ignored it. She was becoming closer to suffocating but that only caused her fingers to grip the edges of the sink tighter. Her toes curled as the pain began to intensify but she still refused to surface for air. She dove her face deeper into the sink splashing excess water onto the floor. Another minute went by and now she knew that any moment she would begin to drown.

"Asuka…"

She blinked feeling the water penetrate to her eyes. It was that eerie echo she heard earlier that day but the tone of the voice was different, almost familiar. This only added to her desperation.

"Asuka… wake up…"

She could hear it clearly now. It was so close.

"Asuka…"

Her legs caved in sending her smashing onto the floor, her head hitting the back wall with a loud thud. Water splashed everywhere as her hair whipped a large strand of it against the wall. She coughed and heaved feeling her gag reflex take hold. Her chest hurt and felt oddly heavy. She tried to draw in a breath but it was as if her lungs were already filled with something. She arched over the floor spewing water and bile onto the floor. She continued to cough violently but despite this she slammed her fists against the floor in a rage.

"Dammit!" she shouted, "I was almost there!"

I'm not crazy, she thought, I'm not.

She gripped the edge of the sink and pulled herself up taking care not to slip. Something warm began to slither down the back of her neck. Her hand immediately shot up behind her head and looked into her palm. Blood stained her hand.

* * *

><p>Hikari knocked on Asuka's door but heard nothing. She had told Asuka she would drop by before class, did she forget? She knocked again and eyed her watch. She had been at it for ten minutes already. Thank God she decided to come early. She knocked once more before reaching for the door handle. She pulled and discovered it was unlocked. She poked her head in noticing the apartment was basked in darkness. She stepped inside feeling a slight pang of nervousness hit her stomach.<p>

"Asuka?" she called.

No response.

As she took another step in she heard someone mumble in the darkness. Her nervousness increased but her concern as to what was going on overtook it. She silently made her way deeper into the apartment where the muttering became louder. It was coming from the living room. As she approached the soft frantic whispers suddenly stopped as if whoever was talking to themselves just recognized her presence.

"Asuka?" Hikari whispered, her voice trembling.

She heard a distant but sinister laugh, "Good morning, Hikari,"

Hikari felt her legs tremble, something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. She stood in complete darkness only adding to her fear as to what she was about to face.

"Are you alright? Why are all the lights off?"

A dark laugh filled the black air, "You know. I read somewhere if you die in your dream you wake up from it. I wonder if that's true?"

"Asuka, you're scaring me?" whispered Hikari as she slowly began to search for the light switch.

"Scaring you? Can't say that I blame you. I was scared too but now I see the truth…"

Hikari was beyond terrified as her finger finally snagged the light switch. She flicked it on but nothing in her life could have prepared her for what she saw next.

Asuka sat on the floor, her back up against the wall. Her head hung low with her bangs shielding her eyes.

Blood had been painted all over the walls.

A long trail of red hovered behind her head like a halo and traced upwards until it was met with something that had been etched into the wall.

Hikari's eyes widened even further when her eyes came upon the phrase written in blood.

I'M NOT CRAZY.


	10. Reunion

Remember Me

**Chapter 10 (Reunion)**

Hikari sat staring at her bag which stirred on her shaking lap. Asuka's voice haunted her and what she had seen at her apartment only made things worse. She was glad she managed to flee in time to call the police but she couldn't forget the evil stare Asuka had given her when she was escorted out of her apartment. It was almost, dare she think it, that she thought she betrayed her. Police officials were constantly asking her questions but she kept her answers vague. She didn't want to bring any more attention to the situations but she already felt as if it was beyond that. She sat in the waiting area of the hospital watching carefully as a group of policemen stood nearby congregating the details of the events. She tried to ignore them but it was like they were deliberately talking aloud to induce guilt. It wasn't long before she heard an unmistakable clicking of heels that brought her eyes down the hall. She watched as Misato stomped past the police sending a chilling glare at one of them. Her brown eyes then met Hikari's, a look of disdain pulsed through them.

"What's going on, Hikari?" she asked.

One of the police officers turned and made his way to Misato, "Ma'am, I'm sorry but you are not allowed to talk to your witness right now. We are still investigating,"

Hikari could see the raw rage brewing on Misato's face as she turned to the man. She knew the officer would have a storm on his hands.

Misato fisted the policemen's collar and pulled him close, "Do you have any idea who you are talking to?"

The man was now shrinking with fear as his colleagues stared in awe. It was obvious that they knew.

"I'm the Commander of Nerv Headquarters. You made two mistakes. One you disrespected your superior by getting in my face. Second, you have no jurisdiction. My men will take over. You are to tell whoever is you answer for to hand over all of the investigation specifics. Do it now," Misato hissed.

The man nodded and quickly scurried away taking his comrades with him. Hikari was without words at the sight of pure power was nothing short of spectacular. Her small smile vanished upon Misato's eyes taking hold of hers.

"As you were saying?" Misato said.

Hikari explained what had happened not missing a beat with any vital detail. The Commander stood silently with crossed arms only nodding her head when Hikari came to a pause. She could tell Misato was well beyond concerned. When she had finished the story Misato gave her a curt nod and began her way down the hall towards Asuka's room.

"So, Asuka is it? Why did you try to kill yourself?" asked the investigator.

The red head sat in a strapped chair her body encased in a hospital gown. She said nothing keeping her chin down and her hair covering her face. She could feel two men standing at her sides. One of them who seemed to be an investigator and the other a police officer. She didn't want to speak. She had nothing to say. This wasn't real, she recited to herself, this wasn't real. She heard the investigator sigh as he began to walk around her life a vulture to a dead carcass.

"Asuka, sweety… why not just answer my questions so we can make this as painless as possible,"

Asuka's voice was dripped with blackness, "You know nothing of pain…"

She heard him laugh, "Oh, really? Try me,"

Her hands balled into fists, the muscles in her forearms began to cut into the straps that held her to the chair. The policemen took a step back in caution.

"If you don't tell me what's going on there's a good chance they'll stick you in an asylum and throw away the key. Do you want that? I'm sure you enjoy your freedom,"

She wanted to kill him. To tear his heart from his chest. His slithering voice only exacerbated her boiling hatred. Maybe if she broke free and killed him they would shoot her down, this way she could become one step closer to voices in her head.

I'm not crazy, she thought, I know the truth.

Suddenly a pair of rough hands slammed onto hers. Her blue eyes pierced with immense rage as the investigator hovered over her, "Listen to me, you psychotic bitch. You tell me what I want to hear. I'm not leaving this room until you get off the high horse of yours and tell me you hate yourself and wanted to commit suicide so I can go back to the prescient and get my paycheck,"

Asuka reared her head back slowly and with a violent lunge slammed her forehead into the man's face. She watched as he stumbled back holding his face. Blood streamed down his face.

"She broke my nose!" he screamed.

The officer was about to withdraw his gun, Asuka felt her heart race. Come on, shoot me she begged. Suddenly the door to the room whipped open.

"What the hell is going on in here?" came a voice.

"This bitch broke my nose," said the investigator as he attempted to hold himself together. Misato turned to the officer.

"You're dismissed," she said holding up her Nerv ID. The officer looked at Asuka and then at the bloodied man. He finally succumbed to authority and promptly left the room.

Misato then turned to the investigator who leaned up against a wall pooling his blood into his hands. She took a step forward and drove her fist dead center where he had been previously hit sending him falling onto the floor. Blood was now gushing from his nose and mouth as he lied there dazed.

"Get the hell out of here and don't make me come after you. I could have your ass for what you tried to do. I heard everything you said. You best pray its only an ass kicking you receive,"

The man came to all fours as he attempted to crawl from the tiny room and into the hallway. Misato lost her patience and delivered a punishing kick to his side, "Hurry up!"

Her attention then shifted to Asuka who said nothing.

Misato knelt down to her level brushing her red bangs from her face, "Asuka, what happened? Please tell me,"

Asuka turned her head away averting her eyes, "I'm not crazy,"

"I know you're not, sweetheart. I know you're not. Come on, I'm going to get you out of this chair and into a proper room. I can't believe those pigs interrogated you,"

She loosened the straps over her arms. Misato then went to the doorway and peered out. Down the hall she could see the investigator being treated by several nurses. She called one of them over.

"Get me a room for her, I don't want anyone besides myself and a doctor to be allowed in. Can you do that for me?" she asked. The nurse only nodded and led them down a wing and into another hall. Misato guided Asuka keeping her hands on the girl's shoulders. She knew Asuka didn't need to be propped up, she was afraid she might run. The nurse opened a door to a vacant room and gestured them inside. Misato whipped the sheets from the nearest bed and helped Asuka into it. She sat her purse onto the nightstand and drew a chair towards her.

"I'm not leaving, Asuka. I'm staying to keep an eye on you," said Misato.

The nurse reappeared at the doorway, "Um, ma'am?"

"What is it?" snapped Misato.

The nurse flinched, "There's someone on the phone for you,"

"Tell them to call my cell,"

"I'm afraid it's urgent, ma'am." the nurse insisted.

Misato angrily cursed as she took a look at Asuka who stared blankly at the ceiling, "I'll be back, I promise," She stood and followed the nurse out.

* * *

><p>Asuka's eyes drifted to the now closed door. She waited until she heard the clicking of Misato's heels slowly disappear. She sat up and spotted Misato's purse sitting on the nightstand. She unzipped the main pouch and found what she knew had already been there. A 9mm handgun sat in her field of view. She took it by the handle and held it examining the cold steel. Pressing a small button on the side of the handle the gun ejected its magazine which fell onto her lap. With her free hand she took the magazine into her palm and saw the small bronze bullets piled neatly in the chamber. She stared at it and could faintly hear the soft echoes of her dreams. She nodded her head slowly. Something inside knew what was to come next. She inserted the magazine back into the pistol and tore the sheets from her legs. She crept towards the door and opened it. Her eyes scanned the hallway listening for any incoming footsteps. She wouldn't be able to escape through the front door. She would have to find another way.<p>

She turned towards her window and peered outside into the night. They were on the third floor and she could see the fall wouldn't kill her. Too bad, she thought. She unhinged the safety mechanism and slid the window open. She was quite relieved by the cool air but her mind was on other matters. She mounted the window sill and used her feet to find a groove that would support her. She began her descent into the darkness hoping Misato wouldn't discover the empty bed anytime soon.

Misato walked down the hall back towards Asuka's room. She stopped halfway as her eyes suddenly came upon Asuka's door which sat ajar. She sprinted into her room and felt her heart sank. She rushed to her purse grabbing her phone. She dialed a number and held it to her ear.

"Nerv HQ," said a voice.

"It's Misato, we have a major problem. Gather all of our agents and scan the city. Eva unit 2's pilot has gone missing. I need her found immediately…"

Suddenly a feeling of panic rushed over her as she took another look into her purse. Her gun was gone. She then found herself staring at the open window. She made her way over to it and leaned out hoping to find any sign of Asuka through the darkness.

"Commander, are you still there?" asked the voice.

"Warn our field agents that the pilot is armed. I repeat, she is armed. Prepare for hell,"

* * *

><p>She searched high and low throughout the night but no signs of Asuka turned up. She walked the streets hoping to catch a glimpse of her but she was only met with darkness. Occasionally she would catch a glimpse of her men standing at the rooftops taking a broader view of the city. The streets were empty and Misato was grateful for this but knowing Asuka she wouldn't readily give herself away. She was smarter than that, after all, she was dealing with a young genius. She called everyone she knew to keep an eye out but none called back with any valuable information.<p>

She knew what Asuka was capable of and to know she was armed was nothing short of frightening. In all honesty she couldn't tell what Asuka was trying to do and that made her even more terrified. Misato looked towards the mountains. The sky was becoming a magnificent shade of violet, the stars began to fade. It was early morning. She realized she had been at it all night and she could feel her eyes grow tired and heavy.

Where would Asuka be? She didn't return to her apartment, no, that would be the most obvious place to look. A better question would be where did her men not look yet? She sent them throughout the city, she had them check mass transit stations and anyone leaving the province didn't fit the descriptions she was receiving. Was there anywhere she overlooked? Suddenly something sparked within her mind.

She knew where Asuka was. She frantically dialed another number into her phone.

"Yes, commander?" said a man.

"Meet me on at the northwestern part of the cemetery. I've located Asuka. Do not relay this information to anyone else. I don't want to risk scaring her. Stay hidden and bring a rifle with a heavy tranquilizing round. When I give you the signal I want you to take her down before she does anything stupid. You got that? You better not miss,"

"Right away, Commander,"

Misato stuffed her phone into her jacket and took off full speed towards the cemetery hoping she was not too late.

* * *

><p>Asuka stood before Shinji's grave. The morning sun basked everything in an orange glow casting a shadow over the countless markers that littered the vast cemetery. She stared with intent eyes at the black grave stone, Misato's gun clutched tightly within her palm. She was close, she thought to herself, closer than she had ever felt to the other side. The echoes were becoming louder and called out for her. They wanted her to come through. To step over the threshold but something was holding her back. She knelt down and traced her fingertips across the grooves which read Shinji's name.<p>

"I know this is a dream, Shinji," she whispered, "And I know how to wake up. I'll be there soon. You better prepare for me. I have a lot I want to catch up on,"

"Asuka!"

Asuka stood and turned slowly. Misato stood several feet away winded from all the running.

"What do you want, Misato?" said Asuka in a low tone.

Misato took a step forward, "Please, don't do what I think you're about to do. It's not how this should end. What would Shinji think?"

Asuka stared at her, "Don't bring him into this. You don't know the hell I've gone through. I'm only doing what I know will help me wake up. This isn't real! I'm not crazy!"

"Asuka, please. You don't know what you're doing!" Misato shouted.

Asuka lifted the gun and pointed it at her ex-guardian. Her hand trembled and her index finger began to tighten on the trigger. Misato felt a cold chill run down her spine as she took a step back. In her peripheral she could make out a figure in the distance. She needed to make the signal but she feared it would only entice suspicion in Asuka's already deranged mind.

"I know exactly what I'm doing, Misato. Maybe you should worry more about yourself than me," hissed Asuka. Misato could see the abyss in the girl's eyes. She knew she wasn't going to be able to talk her down. Someone was going to get hurt and there was nothing she could do to change that. Misato took one more step back this time hiding her right hand from view. Asuka watched seemingly unaware of her intentions.

"I lived too long without him. I lived so long with nothing but sadness. WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT!" Asuka bellowed. Misato's eyes instinctively shot over to the darkened figure who lifted a massive rifle over a grave stone taking aim at Asuka. Her heartbeat rang in her ears.

"Asuka, please. I know what you're going through. For God's sake he was like a son to me!" Misato shot back.

Asuka shook her head, "He was my… everything. I'm not stupid. It was me who was supposed to die, not him. I was supposed to die! Instead I drove that knife through him, not you!"

There was silence as they stared at each other. She could see Asuka's fingers tighten even more. Misato could not wait any longer. She twitched her fingers.

Asuka noticed her hand move and the realization of what was going to pass exploded into action. Asuka instinctively spun around, her bright red hair whipping in the air. Then she saw him. She saw a man in a black uniform take aim at her.

A shot echoed over the vast plains, crows took the skies the sound of their wings flapping resonating. Asuka stood still and felt something protruding from her chest. Looking down she saw something that looked like a dart. They were trying to sedate her. They were trying to stop her from waking up. They wanted her to fall back into the slumber.

Misato stared with an intense gaze, first at Asuka and then at the agent who now lowered his weapon. It was over, she thought. Asuka would be safe.

"Asuka…" she began.

She wasn't prepared for what would happen next. Asuka whipped the gun towards the man and fired several shots. Even at this distance she could see a long thin string of blood rocket from the back of the agent's head sending his body falling to the ground like a puppet with severed strings. She wanted to yell, to do something but her body stood frozen. Asuka fell to one knee, the sedative taking hold of her body but not before she opened her mouth sliding the barrel of the gun inside.

"No, Asuka. NO!" she screamed.

A more deafening sound echoed throughout. Misato fell to her knees, her eyes wide, her throat tight, her heart raging.

Blood trickled down Shinji's grave. Asuka lied motionless, the gun sitting beside her. A light smoke drifted from her lips and her eyes stared blankly towards the sky.

She was gone.

Misato crawled to the unmoving girl and felt her insides slowly begin to melt. She cupped her mouth preparing to scream but her throat yielded no sound. She had failed.

The era of Eva pilots had come to a tragic end.


	11. Reality

Remember Me

**Chapter Eleven (Reality)**

**Author's Note: Listened to the song "Ancient Pines" by Loreena McKennitt while writing this. Really gives you the emotion if anyone is interested. I suggest having YouTube in the background while you read the first part. Just a suggestion though. Enjoy. **

The morning was somber. The skies were a dim gray and in the distance the sounds of thunder roared over the mountains. The air was cold and Misato could feel the light droplets of rain hit her cheeks. She had been asked numerous times to reschedule the ceremony but she refused on all accounts. Today wasn't the day to make decisions. Today was her day to grieve and she wasn't about to let something as petty as rain to ruin it. Not for her. She said nothing as the Nerv limousine drove up to the cemetery entrance. She didn't dare let her eyes take in the beautifully hand constructed coffin that sat in the hearse. She didn't want to be reminded of who lied within. She exited the limo adjusting her sunglasses on the bridge of her nose her black veil whipping softly in the cold breeze.

"Commander, all preparations are complete. We are ready to proceed on your word," said a man in black. Misato nodded as she pressed her way through the massing crowd keeping her head down. She noticed one of the field agents whisper something into his receiver and suddenly the sound of instruments carried into the air. The crowd went silent as they dispersed into an organized pattern manifesting a single empty aisle leading to the hills of the dead.

Misato watched as several well dressed Nerv commandos hoisted the massive coffin from the interior of the hearse. They arranged themselves into two neat lines, one on each side of the box. They then proceeded with eerie slowness, their steps in time with the heart wrenching music that echoed with sorrow. Misato could barely hold it together as they made their way past her. She pushed through the crowd. With a trembling hand she gently touched the edge of the coffin feeling as though that this would be the last time she could touch Asuka. It reminded her so much of the day they buried Shinji. The pain was tremendous. She had never seen such agony in anyone's eyes like she saw in Asuka, now she knew what she felt. When Shinji died Misato had lost her son. Today, she had lost her daughter.

The crowd followed the men carrying Asuka's coffin towards the northeast. They finally stopped at an open hole in the ground. A new gleaming grave marker had been erected but the words "Asuka Langley" had been carved into the solid face. Misato's eyes then drifted to the marker beside it where Shinji's sat. A dark red crust had now encased the front of the marker. Many didn't notice the stain but Misato knew very well what it was but her heart couldn't fathom the thought.

Suddenly the procession stopped and the elegantly clad Nerv commandoes released the grip off the coffin. The crowd surrounded the burial sight many in tears. Misato could see Hikari standing close by, her eyes bloodshot and her face glazed with tears. A woman stood farther away, two children by her side. She seemed like a country person as her dress was nothing more than a casual gown. She too was in tears but as to who this woman was Misato couldn't identify.

A priest soon took the focal point as he made his way through the crowd carrying a bible preciously in his hands. He stood by the coffin and took an elderly gaze at the countless men and women who stood before him.

"It's humbling to know that one of our most important saviors gifted by God was not lacking the people that loved her most," he said his voice rasp but laced with wisdom, "I personally extend my condolences to those who knew her best. It breaks my heart that such a heroine of man met her end before I could meet mine. Thus, I do believe, God wanted to bask in her glory and decided it was time that she joined Him in His kingdom so that she may be hailed as our savior,"

Many people whispered a simple "amen" as he finished. Many others broke into quiet sobs. Misato bit her lip forcing the tears to withdraw. The reality of losing Asuka was beginning to take hold.

"Now, at this time I would like to invite those to say their final words to the deceased. So that we may bring closure to the ones whose sorrow is overwhelming," said the priest.

One by one people stood by the priest as they said their words many of which Misato had never seen before. Finally, Hikari took her spot. Misato would have never believed that a person could delve any farther into the abyss of sorrow but one look into Hikari's eyes shattered that in an instant.

"She was like a sister to me," Hikari began, "I remember she used to come to my house and we used to talk about everything. She was a strong person and always gave me a hard time but deep down I knew all she wanted was to be loved. I loved you, Asuka. And I still do. I'll remember you always and I'll come to visit everyday. I lost you as my sister but I will never lose my memory of you…"

She spun around and drifted back into the crowd. Misato could feel eyes on her signaling it was her turn. She made her way to the center feeling the sense of surrealism penetrate her mind. She found herself placing a palm on the black cold exterior of the coffin

"I was Asuka's guardian. I agreed to be her guardian because at the time it was part of my job. After so many years it no longer felt like it was part of my job. I was her mother in a way. I guided her the most I could. She was a smart girl and I knew there wasn't much to guide her on but there wasn't a day I felt as if the only thing I wanted to do was make her happy. To make her and Shinji happy. I looked out for them. Shared their accomplishments and their disappointments. I shared everything with them and now the only thing I share with them is my memories. I don't have kids of my own but if I did I know what it would feel like to lose one of them,"

She blinked and noticed a spot on the coffin where a puddle of tears had accumulated but her voice shown no weakness, "I pray to God she's in a better place. With her real mother and Shinji,"

She turned away and lost herself in the crowd unable to hold in her tears. She felt several hands touch her shoulders in comfort but she ignored them. Finally a man approached her.

He whispered, "Commander, we found a cassette player. When this is over would you like to review it?"

Misato nodded her head and shooed him away. The instruments resumed their sorrowful song as Asuka's coffin was then lowered into the ground. This was only the second time an actual body had been buried here. Due to the war many were never found and the grave markers were used to signify their sacrifice. Either way, their memories will forever be immortalized.

All of the Nerv officials saluted in respect as the coffin lowered. Misato did the same holding her hand in a smart salute as her eyes followed into the darkened abyss. Her tears fell but she didn't wipe them away. Asuka was everything to her but first and foremost she was a pilot to Japan's Evangelion. She was in every sense of the word a soldier and required the respect of one.

Asuka, she thought to herself, from one solider to another I wish you Godspeed.

But as your guardian… I love you.

* * *

><p>Bright waves rocked splashing salt mist onto the shore. The sun had begun to set casting a deep amber glow over the rolling mountains. Seagulls called into the air their echoes resonating miles down the coast. Asuka stood in silence, her arms crossed, her white dress whipping in the breeze. Asuka stood silent her blue eyes staring at the magnificent sights. She then heard the crunching of sand behind her forcing her to turn her head.<p>

"Thought I found you here," said Shinji.

She shrugged, "I never took the time to look out at the water when I was a pilot. Thought I take the time do it now,"

Shinji nodded, "How do you feel?"

Asuka grazed her fingertips behind her neck where something stiff protruded though her skin, "I still don't think it was necessary to put a damn metal plate in my spine. I don't think I was hurt that bad,"

"Asuka, your neck was nearly snapped in two,"

"Well, who do I have to thank for that?" she said scowling at him.

He crossed his arms, "You know I didn't mean to. The Eva's were contaminated by the remnants of the final Angels. Misato said it was the Angel's last ditch effort to destroy the Eva's. Looks like they won that battle but they didn't get us which was more important,"

"Whatever at least it's over," she replied.

"Do you remember anything? You said when you woke up for the first time you had a dream?"

She shook her head, "I don't remember much. I only remember what happened after the breach of the Eva's. It feels like it happened the other day… by the way did I always sound like this?"

Shinji smiled, "You've been in a coma for two years. I would assume your voice got slightly deeper. I mean we were sixteen when it happened. We're adults now,"

She nodded her head but said nothing. She couldn't remember anything about this dream she had told others she had. She knew whatever she dreamt was important but could not for the life of her remember the details. It was like the part of her brain that remembered the dream had been… blown away.

"I'm surprised you walked all the way here from the apartment. It's a big walk. You shouldn't push yourself so much. You do realize you had slight muscle atrophy right?"

"For God's sake Shinji, be quiet and stop worrying about the details. You're the one who's lucky. I could've forgotten we were dating after all this time. Hell I probably could've just lied to you and said I didn't. Be thankful," she spat.

He laughed relieved by her fiery personality. He wrapped his arms around her narrow waist and settled his hands just below her belly.

"Shinji?" whispered Asuka.

"Yeah?"

"Did you ever leave me a tape?"

Shinji frowned, "A tape? You mean like one of my music tapes?"

"Yeah,"

"No, I don't even know how to make one of those. Why?"

She shook her head, "I was just wondering,"

"Did you dream of me making you one?"

She shrugged, "Kind of. It just feels like I was supposed to do something. That's when I thought about you and your cassette tapes,"

"I think you need to relax," he said to her resting his head on her shoulder.

"You smell that?" she then said.

Shinji looked around inhaling deeply but picking up nothing but the smell of salt, "What?"

"It smells like gunpowder. Are you sure you can't smell that?"

Shinji took her by the hand and firmly led her away, "Yeah, I think you need to lie down,"

* * *

><p>Misato sat at her desk. The night was silent as she sat with the light of her lamp casting a glow at the cassette player before her. She eyed it suspiciously feeling as though she was the first to unravel its mystery. She pried a spare pair of headphones from her bottom drawer and attached it to the player. She embedded the buds into her ears but stared at the play button. Her thumb hovered over it but something didn't want her to press it however there was no one else to take up the claim. She exhaled forcefully and played it.<p>

She placed her elbows onto the desk resting her chin within her hands. She listened closely and stared into nothingness. Before she knew it the tape stopped causing a soft clicking sound to emit from the player. She blinked. Clearly what she heard couldn't be the end of it. She rewound the tape and played it again and this time closed her eyes. The tape again ended but this only drove something deep inside her to act. She pried her drawer open withdrawing a notepad and pen.

For the third time she listened to the tape but this time she began to write the words onto paper. Once she wrote the words down verbatim she sat staring at it. Something was odd, she thought. Something about what she had just listened to was eerie almost frightening.

She cocked her head slightly. Her eyes began to see something. She tore off a new clean page and sat it beside the paper that contained the words from the tape. She stared intensely at the words and began to write things down. It took her nearly an hour before something caught her eye. She stared at the page and suddenly something sparked.

Her legs trembled, her eyes wide. Her chest began to rise and fall feeling the sheer panic of what she had discovered begin to grip her mind.

The next thing she knew she was in a full sprint out of the apartment.

She didn't look back.


	12. Till we meet again

Remember Me

**Chapter 12 ('Till we meet again)**

The room sat in silence encased in pitch black darkness. A small red light brightened as a soft click sounded. The whirring of a tape cassette filled the room.

"Hey, Asuka. Well, I know how much you're hurting. And I hope you understand why I chose to do this. Know that I did this because I couldn't face the hurt that I know you would feel. Every day I think about you and I want nothing more but happiness for you. Until I'm gone, I want you to live your life and find someone who can give you what I couldn't. Please, Asuka, always know I love you, forever and always,"

The tape stopped, rewound and played again.

"Hey, Asuka. **W**ell, I know how much you're hurting. **A**nd I hope you understand why I chose to do this. **K**now that I did this because I couldn't face the hurt that I know you would feel. **E**very day I think about you and I want nothing more but happiness for you. **U**ntil I'm gone, I want you to live your life and find someone who can give you what I couldn't. **P**lease, Asuka, always know I love you, forever and always,"

The tape stopped again, rewound and played but this time the sound became fragmented.

"Hey, Asuka,"

"**W**ell,"

"**A**nd,"

"**K**now,"

"**E**very,"

"**U**ntil,"

"**P**lease,"

A sinister laugh slithered into the darkness.

"Well….W. And… A. Know…K. Every…E. Until… U. Please… P."

The room flashed white which was accompanied by a loud bang. The room filled with the smell of gunpowder and smoke. In the dim light, a piece of paper sat within a motionless hand. Blood now stained the edges with the words **WAKE UP **scrawled hastily across its face.

The End.

* * *

><p>Story ConceptWriter**:…Enigma**

Beta Reader/Character Development**…Auroraglow **

Fact Checker**…..Havic113**

Transition Boards**…..CarnageHouse**

Support/Cheerleader**…..Mrs. Enigma**

Cooke Maker**….Luna1891**

**Special thanks to the fans who reviewed and liked the story. You're the ones who I write for. **

Final Chapter Inspirational Music**: "Save the best for last" by Vanessa Williams**

Music used for inspiration**: "Ancient Pines" by Loreena Mckennitt**

"**My Immortal" by Evanescence **

**All music, characters, locales and other such information belongs to their respective owners and I do not claim any of the above. The only thing I claim is the story concept. **

**Thank you for reading. **

**Stay tuned.**


End file.
